


There is a mended lid for the cracked pot.

by Hana_Midori



Category: Gintama
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-05-29 09:39:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 30,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6369760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hana_Midori/pseuds/Hana_Midori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gin-san’s wedding. He finally asks one of his harem girls to marry him only because he's certain everyone needs to light up a bit. Post an imaginary final battle where some major characters died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The ball hits the opposite wall of the room, then the roof and goes back to the small hand of a red haired teen of blue eyes who threw it on the first place.  
Two thousand six hundred two,  
two thousand six hundred three,  
two thousand six hundred four...  
by the two thousand six hundred four and a half a dark haired boy, as ordinary as the next dark haired boy who lives next your door and who had been trying to keep his patience checked by the last couple of days had had enough.

“How long do you plan to keep throwing that bloody ball?" He comes standing behind the little brownish sofa where the red head has been laying. "At that pace, you're going to pierce a hole in the roof ”.  
For about ten long seconds: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. There is no more bouncing of the ball or any sort of movement from the sofa. To be honest about the scene, the dark haired boy went losing his colors with each second.

"If I wanted," the voice of the girl sounds raspy even when it’s barely a whisper so she clears her throat before she stands up in open defiance "If, I wanted a hole in the roof. The only thing I have to do is this" with a soft delicate twist of her little hand she throws the ball once more making it hit the roof with the force of a canon.

"Now we have a hole in the roof," says the boy more like a mere observation than a recrimination, his eyes lost after the still visible parabolic trajectory of the ball and the hole in the roof..

The little red head thinks she’s good with the strong useless things like her fits. It’s the burden of her race after all. If at least the boy in front of her could scream at her or hit her with something she’s sure she’ll know how to deal with him, but of course that’s pretty much a good summary of what this young man called ShinpachI is not. She notices she has been staring at his chin, at his lips at the tip of his nose at his eyes behind the simple glasses he wears. When he looks back at her she feels the need to go away. Placing a hand upon his chest she pushes him softly to one side.

"No. Now you have a hole in the roof to fix and I have a ball to go to pick up."  
She leaves then. An adult of white messy hair and dead fish eyes has witnessed the whole scene from the doorframe of his room.

"I’m sorry Gin-san it’s just..." says Shinpachi to the white haired adult.

Standing by the side of the younger man, Gintoki places his right hand upon his shoulder. "It’s just you couldn’t take it longer. It’s ok I’ll see what I can do Shinpachi"

The plan was very simple indeed. Gintoki was going to go after the little red head except she was no longer into sight. It was also his first day placing a foot out of the house in what felt like decades. There was a moment of hesitation. It was a little odd as if the world was still spinning around too fast and he was too slow to catch up with it.

"You’ll have to fix my roof," said the familiar voice of an old woman who was taking a smoke at the first floor.

"Shinpachi is already working on that Otose"

"First day out," it wasn’t a question "everything is too shiny, too bright." she blowed a hole bunch of smoke right into his face.

"I bet you could say that."

"Business has been running low. At this pace I’ll have no other choice but to increase the rent, Yorosuya," said Otose with a hint of mockery on her tone.

After the last couple of battles. Everybody had lost something… or someone and everyone was simply trying to cope with that. To try to reconcile with what was left of their homes.

As he walked by the streets of Edo city looking for Kagura, the little red head, his steps lead him to a familiar magazine store. While he was out he had skipped a few numbers of the Jump, his favourite magazine. Now it seemed as a good moment to catch up with that. Except for the fact he has no money for that. 

After a few minutes of indecision he gets into the store. At least he might read something inside. Sneak a peek. It wouldn’t be the first time he was short of money.  
Most of the newspapers and magazines had a familiar face printed on them. The most wanted label replaced by the line of Mr President. Funny title for a commander, in his mind the only possible title for such a kind of idiot was baka.  
"From the most wanted man to president. I can't believe it myself," behind the register machine a man over his thirties, brown hair, brown goatee and darks glasses is the one making the comment. It’s hard to recognize the old man because he no longer looks like a stray dog.

"New job, Hasegawa?"

"More like a new life," with a softly inflection of his head he points towards the back of the store where a beautiful woman is cleaning and rearranging some shelves. Hasegawa’s wife was again with him and the man couldn’t hide his joy even if his life depended of it.

"Glad to hear it, pal." Something in the scene of this couple finally together made Gintoki’s heart feel warm and his efforts less vain. This was exactly the kind of thing they had been fighting for. A chance for new beginnings.

"I’m sorry about your friends," says Hasegawa with sincerity.

"As I recall they were your friends too," Hasegawa had been at at least one of the last battles and had the injuries to show of for that. In fact Gintoki was pretty much certain that it was during the recovery of those wounds than the couple had made their amends "I’m pretty certain I didn’t went on a safari with a Gorilla myself"

The memory obviously makes Hasegawa smile with longing. 

"I was almost devoured by cannibals that time."

Gintoki doesn't reply. Instead he goes further into the shop. There, upon the usual shelve he can see the last number of his beloved Jump. He can’t believe his good luck. One look at one side, one look at the other… but nobody is around to fight for the treasure. Thinking it further there has been a really long time since the last time he spotted the hemorroid ninja.

Hasegawa ‘s wife just turned around, it was almost too soon for the common eye to notice, but there was a little tummy growing on her slender figure.

"This set is half the price if you're interested," said the woman with a big smile. She was happy too. Intoxicatingly happy to be precise. Or maybe it was the effect of the shelve next to her. The shelve was piled up with older numbers of the Jump. Two volumes for each skipped number of the last year. A mischievously idea started to take shape into his head.

"You do deliver home. Don’t you? To pay on delivery ?".

When he leaves the store, he spots Kagura’s head by one side of the river. Quietly he sits by her side.

"Aru, is not just me having a bad time. Isn’t?" says Kagura with her eyes fixed upon the river.

"No, it’s not just you. We all miss them a lot "

"I know I should feel grateful or something, honour their memories but I’m only angry with myself. Why me and not… and not one of them for example?"

"Yes, it is exactly like that."

"Saachan said I could stare at the river and let it take my anger and my worries away. I’m not sure if it is working or if I need more time".

"The stalker was here?"

"I also met Tae, she was leaving the grocery shop with a bunch of bananas. She said I could have dinner with her later. I wasn’t able to say no to her."

"Someone else?"

"Kyubei was mostly following Tae from a certain distance and Tojou was stalking Kyuubei. Tsuky was over that bridge looking onto this spot and Seita was behind that electric pole also keeping an eye on Tsuky. "

"I see. Everyone is sad or worried sick about someone. I bet we all need a big party to cheer up our moods"

"A big party Aru?"

"Yeah, something like a big fat wedding"

"Isn’t that expensive, Aru ?"

"Oh , very, very expensive and one as the one I have on mind even more, but I just happen to know the right girl of a very wealthy family that will never dare to say no to me."


	2. CHAPTER 2

Gintoki and Kagura snicked into a very large mansion at the core of the city. They had been here before and just like last time they headed towards the kitchen first.  
The kitchen of a house like this one was never a disappointment. Rice, vegetables, fish, fresh spices. Each tool exactly where you might hope to find it, everything clean and functional. In minutes the fragrant smell of stirred veggies and salted fish filled the house.

“What are you doing at my house?” A tall languid man in pajamas and his right arm into a sling asked from the door of the kitchen. You can’t never see the eyes of this man under his caramel blonde hair.

“What does it looks like?,” Gintoki replied without stopping the stir of the vegetables upon a big pan. “We are cooking, genius.”

You could only guess, but standing very still by the door frame of the kitchen with his lips very tight the tall man was as trying to decide if he was angry or amused by the unannounced visit. At that moment the bell at the front door rang.

“Oh I bet that’s for me. Can you manage, Kagura?” cleaning his hands on a towel hanging from his apron and passing a spoon to Kagura Gintoki went to the front door. The tall man following him shortly. 

At the front door. It was no other man than Hasegawa with a delivery package of Jumps.

“Oh! man. I didn’t know you have such a fancy house,” said Hasegawa when Gintoki opened the door elongating the vowels a little bit more of the necessary and trying to take a peek at the rest of the house without leaving the front door.

“What does it means?” the tone of voice of the tall man was surely getting more clearly upset by the minute until he spotted the package of magazines by the side of the delivery man at his door “Is… is that what I think it is?” It was obviously really hard for the man to detach his attention from the Jumps and focus on his unwelcome guests.

“Well, the house is from the family of my fiance, but I’m trying to adjust at the moment.” Gintoki explained to Hasegawa with the tone and the gestures of a just married woman. 

“Does it have one of those pools where you can swim on the summer?” Hasegawa was now trying to figure the shape of the back yard to the end of the opposite corridor.

“Nah,” said Gintoki sure of all the details of the property by heart “but it has a small pond with a nice garden with two of those Koi fishes. We called them Shun and Hyoga, you know. You’re welcome to come wherever you like. I think your wife would find it very charming.”

“Wait! They would be Milo and Camus not… Shun and Hyoga. Nevermind, my point is. This is my house, not yours to invite people in,” yeah this time it was no longer hard to guess the tall man was angry.

“Yeah, yeah. H Ninja. Whatever you say. Milo and Camus. Your house, your names, your rules, your money, by the way the delivery boy is waiting for the payment of those Jumps”.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice that, dude. There are two sets of magazines here. Even if I would wish to catch up with it and I’m not saying that I want to. Why would I want two numbers of each Jump?”

“I just thought you would like to keep yours, but if that’s not the case,” again Gintoki spoke with the tone and the gestures of a young wife trying to cope with the will of her new husband. “Hasegawa you heard the man, I bet you won’t be able to buy that little crib for your unborn son after all.” with that sentence not only Gintoki, but Hasegawa looked incredibly sad almost to the point of shed tears. “That will be half the price for you rich man.”

In front of the pressure Zenzou Hattori made what every husband in his right man would have done. He payed for the two sets of magazines.

“Go, before I change my mind and congrats for your child,” said Zenzou to Hasegawa who didn’t have to be told twice to flee away with the money.

Slowly turning around to Gintoki. Zenzou cornered him by the frame of the door  
“Ok. What’s really going on here, ‘Sweetheart’?”

“Is that my cue to leave you alone and go to my room, Aru?” from inside the house Kagura looked genuinely insecure about what to do next. 

Two male heads turned around to the little teen and then jumped aside from each other answering in chorus an emphatic. “NO!”.

“Super is ready, then,” said Kagura shrugging and heading for what could be the dining room, or the next empty room nearest the kitchen to be more precise.

As she had said a full dinner was displayed there upon a fixed table and some cushions. Stirred vegetables, fish and white rice with some tea and even a bottle of sake with two cups. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it smelled like heaven. 

A bit reluctantly the tall man took his seat at the central cushion and made a gesture for his unwelcome guests to become… you know… welcome. They all sat and shared the food mostly in silence as Kagura and Gintoki had their mouths filled with food all the time.

“Is not that I don’t appreciate your efforts, guys, but I would really like to know. What exactly I’m getting myself into?” said Zenzou when the second fillings were almost over.

“We came here for the dowry,” replied Kagura still with her mouth full with food. In traditional marriages among the samurai the dowry of the bride was a subject of fundamental worry. Success or failure in concluding an union often rely on the size of a good dowry as it was first the key to marry into families of the same rank and as it was mandatory to return it complete if an unhappy husband wanted to ask for a divorce.

“Dowry, what dowry are you talking about?”

“It’s a tradition to negotiate a fair dowry with the family of the bride,” replied Gintoki also with his mouth filled with food.

“As Aru’s attorney here,” Kagura took the word almost placing her bowl of rice upon the table “We won’t accept less than 10 ryo.” Gintoki gave her a soft kick to tell her it was too little “20 ryo?. Isn’t that much Aru?”

“Look around the guy doesn’t even waste his money on furniture, of course he can spare a 20 ryo dowry. Besides think about his profession. Do you think assassination is cheap?” It was Gintoki’s reply from the other side of the table.

“No, of course no. Aru. Understood. We won’t settle for less than 25 ryo, but I’ll ask for 30”

With his elbows upon the improvised table. Zenzou Hattori listened without much amusement the hilarious display of his guests. “I’m exactly here and I can hear you both, you know. Are you out of your mind? I don’t even have a daughter”

“But, you have a… how to put it… a yes the word I’m looking for is a step-sister” Gintoki’s words were like the swing of a sword when the meaning cut through Zenzou’s mind. 

Sakata Gintoki was asking to marry Sarutobi.

“She’s not my sister!,” was Zenzou’s defensive reply.

“You’re the closest relative of her. Aren’t you?” this time it was Kagura the one cornering Zenzou.

“Hey, hemorrhoid ninja, before you start your speech about dogs and cats and how cats are not like dogs do you plan to finish your bowl of rice, mine is empty already.”

Zenzou didn’t reply at once. He was lost in a particular memory of his past. What Gintoki was asking for wasn’t exactly just money. Sarutobi Ayame was an orphan, a commoner, not the proper wife for a Samurai and not exactly a pure maiden but someone had thought about all those little perks at least once before. Zenzou’s father.

“Whoever raises an orphan in his house is considered as he had given birth to the child,” were the precise words of a very old man with quirky lens and quirkiest hair sat behind a huge desk. A single piece of paper upon his right hand. It was one of the few times the man was giving him a serious talk.

“Why are you telling me this now? You manage an orphanage. Are you writing adoption requisitions for them too?” In the memory you could see a very agitated Zenzou, but younger, much more younger.

“I’m responsible for their lives too, if that’s what you’re asking for,” Mr Hattori used a very soft paused tone as if explaining things to a little child. “To be the head of a house is not always an easy task. To be the head of a house of trained assassins is even harder and it will come with all kinds of uneasy decisions you’ll have to take in order to keep your own flesh alive. The Oniwabanshu will be dissolved soon. I’ll be forced to close the orphanage, we’ll be broken by the taxes, but we will be a fudai house even after that. We need to think carefully about your marriage options and with Ayame as my legitimate daughter we’ll have another negotiation card under our sleeve to forge new alliances. If we behave as we are expected to behave…”

“They will kill us, easily. You taught me that. Your boring lessons of history taught me that,” young Zenzou was hitting the top of the desk with his palms with each pause. “Besides Sarutobi as your daughter is the stupidest idea I ever heard from you. Think about it father, what kind of lame house will accept her. She’s not even a virgin.”

“I agree with Zenzou on this one Sensei,” turning around young Zenzou found a young Ayame Sarutobi standing at the door of his father’s study. It was evident she had heard everything. Avoiding eye contact with him, she continued her own explanation of the facts “As a nameless child I can come and go without trouble even outside Edo city, but as a Hattori daughter in the best possible scenario if I’m able to seduce a husband I’ll be secluded to his house . I’ll become a prisoner to squish you further ”

The conversation of that day continued for another hour or so and by the end of it. Zenzou left his house, the Oniwabanshu his father and Ayame Sarutobi, behind.

 

“Can I have a bit more too, Aru?.” The voice of Kagura brought Zenzou back to the present negotiation.

“Are you out of your mind?” Zenzou placed his bowl of rice upon the table, but stopped Gintoki with his sticks when he was going to grab it.

“Probably,” replied Gintoki his own sticks resisting into place in the middle of the bowl.

“You’re aware she is not...” Zenzou gives a quick glance to Kagura who is pretty much waiting for the bowl and then to Gintoki. “What I mean is… without thinking too much about the new policies you are a bloody samurai for hell’s sake. You’ll be one until your very last breath of air. Aren’t you supposed to be obsessed with purity of the spirit and body or something like that?”

“I’m not sure if I follow the brand of Samurai you have on mind.” Gintoki pulled a little the bowl towards his side.

“We are talking about Sarutobi here. You know how she is. Don’t you?” Zenzou pulled the bowl back to his side.

“Well, she’s a stalker, she wears glasses, she has big breasts, she wears glasses, she’s sort of considerate, and yap I’m pretty certain she wears glasses and has big breasts.” Gintoki’s forehead was starting to show a drop of sweat from the force he was inflicting upon the bowl.

“Exactly, she… she has creepy tendencies and poor vision and a horrible silhouette without a proper proportion,” Zenzou has his right arm out of the sling now and some drops of sweat were also running down his neck.

“Hey, those aren’t nice things to say about any woman!” Kagura complained.

“It’s just a negotiation strategy Kagura,” explained Gintoki without letting go of the bowl just yet. “In his way, he’s trying to praise her so we will accept a smaller dowry for her.”

“Oh! Aru. For a moment there I thought. Zenzou was trying to imply Saachan shouldn’t deserve a proper husband because she already had sex with…” Gintoki and Zenzou’s sticks broke at that precise moment starting a chain reaction with the bowl being propelled as some sort of ovni out to the space and right into Kagura’s hands.

“Kagura! This is a tv show for children broadcasted in a public television channel and a manga for younger audiences so we’re not allowed to use direct words like s**” 

“Actually, Aru. This is a fanfic for teens and you don’t reach puberty without a basic understanding of what sex is, so it’s perfectly fine if we use this space to mock a bit those stupid prejudices created around different cultures and times to dismiss the value of a woman and make her belief she isn’t different from a bowl of rice to be tossed and turned around by male hands and poked with the strongest available stick” 

“Are you really serious about it? Samurai,” asked Zenzou.

“Never been more serious in my life, Ninja. I’m tired of grieving for the death, for the things I can not change. I want to celebrate life to honour the sacrifices that were done so that I could be here today. I want to hear laugh and to do stupid things for the sake of the stupid things I can do. I want to see a genuine smile in her face. I want to make her cry from happiness and share that happiness with all the ones that meant something to me.” By the end of Gintoki’s speech Zenzou looked as if he had been splattered with a glass of icy water, Gintoki’s resolution was in motion and nobody was going to be able to stop that. No wait in the middle of his speech Gintoki had actually splashed icy water upon Zenzou’s face for dramatic purposes and now Zenzou was drying his face with a napkin.

“I think. I get it now, Aru,” said Kagura placing the empty bowl upon the table and with the start of a soft smile upon her lips.

Without saying another word Zenzou left the table and went to search for a very particular set of documents among the things of his father. It took him a little longer of what he expected as most things were packaged in cages but the piece of paper was still there written by his father’s hand and sealed with his father seal.

“A 50 ryo dowry!!” Gintoki and Kagura screamed at the same time after giving a peak at the second document in Zenzou’s hand . Their eyes turning to the sign of cash.

“My father wrote this for her a long time ago. He wanted a really good husband for her. I think this is what you were looking for tonight, Sakata.”

“Didn’t he left some extra cash for the wedding? I mean our old man was a thoughtful man. It wasn’t as if he devoted his life to sent innocent children to suicide missions. Or a sick pervert who would enjoy practicing bondage upon the innocent body of little girls...”

“Exactly. How much more is it going to cost me for you to leave?”

“May I call you… brother or is it too soon for that?”


	3. Chapter 3

Walking by the streets of Edo city. Correction. The new East Capital the name was changed recently and even the writer of this fanfic had trouble remembering that little fact. Gintoki and Kagura were happily humming around. Gintoki with a pack of new Jumps under his arm and Kagura balancing a scroll of documents upon her head.

"May I have my own personal trainer, Aru?"

"Why did you need a personal trainer? If you want to punch someone you only need to ask Shinpachi or myself." 

Kagura seemed pleased with that answer so she went by the next in her list. "And what about a personal chef, Aru?"

"A personal chef would be nice."

They had reached the front door of the Shimura house where a not so smiling Tae was waiting for them.

"Good night, guys. I was wondering if you will come at all. Shinpachi and Kyuubei were already tired of waiting for you two. It’s not nice to make a woman wait."

"I’m sorry. It was my fault, Otae," said Gintoki bowing deeply in front of Tae.

"Ane-go. We are late because Gintoki was asking for Saachan’s hand in marriage," Kagura explained unfolding the scrolls for Tae’s further examination. She didn’t really bother to give them a second glance.

"Really interesting, may you already come inside, please." It was Tae’s only reply.

"What did you say?" Shinpachi who had been waiting inside his house had obviously overheard part of the outside conversation, but parts of its meaning had completely skipped his comprehension. For a moment there he thought Gintoki was late because he was asking Saachan in marriage or something as crazy like that.

"Gintoki was asking Saachan’s brother for permission to marrying her," replied Kagura after taking her shoes off and heading inside of the house.

"She doesn’t have a brother, does she?” Shinpachi’s voice was close to classify into the panic specter. “It is a bit too late to begin getting new characters into the background of the well known regulars, right?"

Kagura did the same thing she did with Tae then. She opened the scrolls for Shinpachi’s scrutiny, but this time he took the time to read them. 

“HATTORI HANA!!! 50 RYO??” The scream could be heard two blocks around. And yeah Shinpachi had read it just fine. The request for adoption written by Mr Hattori also included a change of name from Sarutobi Ayame 猿飛 あやめ to Hattori Hana 服 部 花 . It was a common practice to be given a new name when you entered a new family the change here was somehow subtle as Ayame was the name of a flower written in hiragana and Hana was mostly the same thing, but written in a more elegant kanji. 

A few minutes later Gintoki, Kagura, Shinpachi and Kyuubei were sat around a table with a bunch of bananas in the center of it, waiting for their host to serve the dinner. A cold shiver was running down the spine of each one of them.

“Dinner is ready,” announced Tae with what you might call a threatening smile. They all looked in all the directions, but nothing smelled like burned food… yet. 

“Is that it?” Gintoki resumed the courage to ask pointing at the bananas upon the table. Tae just nodded and a little bit reluctantly each one of the guests took upon its own banana as if waiting for it to turn into a black charcoal in front of their eyes. To their biggest surprise, they were actually very normal tasty bananas. 

"So… you finally made up your mind and chose one of us,” said Tae after taking a bite of her own banana. “I’m a bit disappointed it will be her. She was such the simplest option," she added after gulping it down. 

For a very long awkward moment nobody knew what to say.

"Is that it? that's all you have to say?" In a sudden rush of courageously disbelief Shinpachi dared to ask out loud. Regretting the words almost as soon as they leave his mouth.

Tae turned her face slowly to face her brother and with a renewed smile said. “Of course, that’s all what I have to say on the subject Shinpachi. Gintoki is free to chose the bride that better suits his needs.” To tell the you the truth the scariest thing of the scene was Tae sounded completely sincere on the subject.

Kyuubei took the renewed silence to clear her throat. “As this is a night with plenty of sudden propos…”

One of Tae’s finger was upon Kyuubei’s lips sealing them before she could say another word. “No. The answer is still no Kyuu-chan. And I don’t want to hear a bit of it while I’m still mourning for my lost gorilla.”

Nobody dared to make a single comment after that. So again it has to be Tae the one breaking the silence.

“And when is the wedding, Gintoki?”

“In a month or two?” Gintoki shrugged insecure about a precise date. He have not thought too much about it.

“A month or two?” Tae’s laugh echoed through the place. “Do you ever know anything about weddings, Gintoki?”

For a very strange reason the entire temperature of the room seemed to had decrease a couple of degrees.


	4. Chapter 4

Have you ever had one of those nights when you woke up, but not totally. You really haven’t open your eyes or move a single muscle and for a moment there you just can feel everything will be so much, much better if you will only could be back to sleep soundly. Except you can’t because even if you’re not yet ‘you’ and you don’t really know where you are, you are aware enough to know the wrong kind of questions had been set in motion so the only thing to do is to wait for the weight of the world to catch up with you. Stop the dream and face the nightmare ahead? Well if you haven’t there is no trouble, but that’s how this man felt at the moment when he opened his eyelids. 

Everything was so shiny and his mouth felt dry and he had the worst headache of his life, but above all he was really, really hungry.

“Welcome back to life. We were starting to wonder if we’ll have to call for a doctor” the face of a very beautiful woman came slowly to focus. She had a soft voice and the most delicate features you could imagine, all surrounded by the aura of a goddess and a genuine smile as warm as... the sun behind her. The man snickered a little. The sun of Yoshiwara of course. That answered two questions at once. One very relevant and another pretty much irrelevant depending of the circumstances. He was at Yoshiwara, with Hinowa a celebrity in the courtesan’s world.

He was going to speak, but his voice didn’t sound human at all. The woman rushed closer to him smoothly in her wheelchair with a glass of fresh water in her hands. “Here, take this. It will help.” 

The liquid wasn’t exactly water. It has a bitter flavour, but just as she had promised, it started to help almost at once. He gulped it all. If the woman would wanted him dead she had plenty of opportunities while he was unconscious.

He had the time to check then. Human like hands covered in scratches, human like torso with one or two broken ribs and yeah of course human like legs pretty much in pain as the rest of him. By the time he was able to sit upon the futon he was pretty much reassured about his humanity.

“Thank you,” seemed as the only possible thing to say to Hinowa.

Another woman entered the room then, her big tits bouncing distractingly one fraction of a second later than the rest of her body, her hair was blond and it was tied up with kunais, her face was crossed at one side with a very distinctive line and her eyes. Her eyes turned colder as soon as they landed upon him. This woman was mad, crazy mad at him. All his instincts screamed at once at him to flee as far away from her as he could. 

“You. You, injured five of my best girls,” screamed the girl at him. He tried to think about it. He really tried, but had no recollection of any of it. So was it the explanation for his scratches and bruises? Five girls? Injured by him? What was ‘he’ doing hurting girls at Yoshiwara? What kind of man would do that? 

“Minor scratches, Tsuky. And I’m certain you already made your point clear, right through his skull.” Hinowa crossed her wheelchair in front of the moon woman. Instinctively one hand of the man went behind his neck to the base of his head. Dry blood and a few stitches were there. No need to ask now. Who was responsible for it. 

“My apologies. I should have drank more than what I should, ” bowing to the very ground the man tested out loud the first hypothesis that came to his mind.

“Apparently the problem was you weren’t getting enough. There are more honorable ways to end with your life, you know?” Instead of aplacate the fury of the blond woman, his apology seemed to have the exact opposite effect on her.

“Tsukuyo, I think is time for someone go to pick up Seita from the school,” said Hinowa with a tender tone taking one of the blond’s hands between her own. 

“I’ll go, but I have to know first,” said the woman addressed as Tsukyo moderating her tone of voice to something neutral. She squeezed softly Hinowa’s hands before taking one step closer to the man. “Is it true, Zenzou? Gintoki is going to marry Ayame?”

Only then with the combination of those three names, the vault of memories of the dizzy man cracked open and the flow of all the things he had been trying to keep under control hit him at once. His name was Hattori Zenzou, he was a skilled ninja born and raised into a ninja family working for the Shogunate, but into this new East Capital City era he was still trying to crack his new role and place. Sakata Gintoki was a good Samurai, a dinosaur in extinction for sure and a stupid loyal friend and Sarutobi Ayame… was pretty much Sarutobi Ayame there was not a suitable description for her in his mind. Crazy female, unnecessary trouble, a pain in his ass were close adjectives, but they lacked her real flavour.

“I mentioned that last night?” he was mostly trying to play it cool, because even if the general picture was getting clear now, the exact sequence of his latest actions were a little fuzzy to say the least. He had fragmented pics of himself entering to one of his fuglie’s bars and being thrown out from it and then from a casino and then from another house of girls and then from another casino. Had he really groped one of Tsukuyo’s breasts with his hands?

“Among other things, yes. You mentioned that,” Tsukuyo growled. Patience was clearly a virtue this woman didn’t possess, much less for someone who was clearly thinking about things she would rather forget.

“Yeah, it is true. There will be a proper wedding... soon.” That much was at least clear in his mind. Gintoki had asked for Ayame’s dowry, the man was no fool and knew that money was the core of a good marriage, but he had good intentions too and as a consequence of that request, he Hattori Zenzou was going to have a sister and then a new brother in law and soon enough there will be little creatures with her eyes and his hair calling him uncle, breaking things he didn’t thought that could be broken. And they all will live happily ever after into all that family bliss. 

Tsukuyo stormed out of the room without saying anything else. Zenzou would love to storm out too, but from his own head. The headache was getting worst by the second.

“Sorry about all the trouble I caused last night”

“Actually it was two nights ago. You’ve been unconscious for one day and a half. And don’t worry. We will charge you until the last cooper for all the troubles you caused.”

That much explained the hunger despite the headache.

“Sounds fair, enough to me,” said Zenzou starting to stand up and discovering that walking was going to be the hardest part.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Hinowa was obviously trying to be subtle about his lame status to move on his own.

“I don’t think it will be such a good idea. Tsukuyo can barely see my face without wanting to punch it,” he hoped he had declined the offering with some degree of dignity and that there will be enough walls and frames to hold onto on his way out of this place.

“For what I heard about the fight, you were the one forcing her hand and playing with her fears,” at Hinowa’s words flashes of himself cheating at poker, picking a fight, terrorizing a young barman, threatening the life of a couple of Hyakka girls, crossed his mind, but above those flashes was Tsukuyo’s voice asking if Ayame Sarutobi was alive over and over again. “Deep down,” Hinowas’s voice lowered a little. “I think she’s flattered you could trust her as an equal without holding back even one dirty trick of your book of tricks. She’s just angry at you, because we hate to see the people we care about in pain.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Despite your best efforts Mr Hattori. You’re not so alone as you think you are.”


	5. Chapter 5

As it was expected, just when the light of the sun was low enough to tint the color of the water of green and blue shadows, the lonely silhouette of a young skeletal woman appeared by the side of the river. She could sat there for hours her gray eyes and her lilac hair would turn pink, then purple and then blue under the moon in the sky. Silently speaking with no one, but with the river. 

Some people were starting to call her the apparition of the river. Hasegawa overheard a chat between two ladies the other afternoon saying the woman was indeed the spirit of a shinju - two lovers committing double suicide with the idea of being united again in the next life - betrayed by the object of her affections.

For Hasegawa the apparition of that silhouette just meant it was the time to close the shop and go home with his beloved wife. So he went out to start to pick up the street banners.

Hold on there. Today the scene is slightly different. There is another woman walking towards the first one with the pace of a scorned wife or you know one of those Spanish bulls being enticed with a red cape. It’s one of those scenes you don’t want to look at, but at the same time you can’t tear your eyes away from it. 

The first woman is Sarutobi Ayame. A trained ninja who once worked by the Shogun private guard. The other one is The Shinigami Tayuu Tsukuyo, the leader of the special squad known as Hyakka who operates in no other but the red district of Yoshiwara.

Without thinking it twice as soon as Tsukuyo is close enough she slaps Sarutobi in the face at full force and then both women freeze right there, on their spots. Sarutobi softly touches her own face as if testing the sensation there was real, maybe she was turning into a real specter after all, but sure enough she had seen worst damage being inflicted to her human body. From Hasegawa’s point of view the reason of the current assault seems unclear. The blonde can’t answer the unspoken question of the lilac woman as she’s still being consumed by a dark energy. Sarutobi can’t see Tsukuyo’s eyes, she can only see the shadow engulfing them.

“All these days.” It’s the blonde one trying to speak, “ I was wondering exactly what was wrong with you. Why do you keep looking at that bloody river as if you want it to take you away. I even thought,” she’s yelling, but her voice cracks a little, she has to make a pause to gather all her hatred together “I even thought… you might… and now I find out. It is only your sick way of gloating. You should have told me. I thought we were friends!!”

“What? What are you talking about, Tsuky?” Sarutobi still looks puzzled.

“Now you’re going to pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about? Don’t worry. I understand if you don’t want to see the face of a disfigured prostitute at your wedding.” Tsukuyo turns her back to Sarutobi and starts to walk away without further explanation.

“Disfi… wedding? What wedding are you talking about?” Sarutobi barely is able to catch one of the blond wrists to stop her. She needs a real explanation of what was going on here. Hasegawa needs one too.

“Your wedding with Gintoki” spats Tsukuyo. The words are clear, but they sound as a lame joke.

Ayame giggles. “It was a mere joke Tsuky! A holiday postcard of two? three years ago?” Hasegawa giggles too, he remembers the photo.

Only then Tsukuyo turns around to inspect again Sarutobi’s features. Sarutobi’s hand into hers now. From Hasegawa’s eyes they look… better don’t go there.

“You don’t know? He hadn’t… “says the blonde.

Sarutobi burst out laughing,as no apparition could ever laugh. Tears wetting the border of her eyes, the pitch of her stomach taking out all the air of her lungs in spasmodic contractions. Her chest bumping in the right way. 

“You think Gintoki is going to ask me to marry him?” Ayame asks.

Tsukuyo is not laughing at all. If it is relief or disbelief Hasegawa can’t tell.

“No. Gintoki already asked Zenzou permission to marrying you”

That makes Sarutobi’s laugh to stop at once. That makes Hasegawa stop smiling too. The lilac woman is static as if she needed time to process all the information she had in front of her into something coherent. Then with a soft twitch up of her lips she moves her head from one side to the other.

“You almost got me there Tsuky. That was a good one I have to admit it. Involving Zenzou was a fine touch. You’re getting better at telling convincing stories as I had told you before they are really handy from time to time, but… you’ll see at the moment Gintoki and I are very pleased with our current freedom, we don’t want to rush into things you know. Maybe if I get pregnant we’ll change our minds, but we don’t want to be one of those clingy couples making of our love a public document. If Gintoki would want to exhibit me around as an object of his property the only thing he needs to do is ask nicely.” And then the movements of the hands of Sarutobi Ayame turns into an X-rated film involving ropes and chains around her throat and even when she’s calling for Gintoki’s name Hasegawa has trouble avoiding to include himself in the picture of the naked body of that really skinny woman licking his boots. 

“I’m a happily married man, I love the nice healthy curves of my wife,” he tells himself as he closes his eyes trying to change his own thoughts. 

“Hello there,” a soft voice asks. Hasegawa jumps looking around in panic, but his wife is still at the back of the store. The voice belongs to a boy, nine of ten years old and honey brown hair who was standing by the side of the duo. He was Seita. Hinowa’s son. 

“Hi Seita, I was on my way to,” said Tsukuyo a little bit embarrassed for what Seita might have seen or heard so far. Hasegawa is embarrased too and he's no related to the child in any way.

“Yeah I know, I was going to wait for you over there, but Gintoki promised me a parfait if I gave this to Ayame.” Seita was holding a scrap of something and just where he pointed out, at the middle of a bridge that crossed the river. Gintoki, the real Gintoki was waving, sweating and smiling in a very unnatural way.

Still with some appealing color in her cheeks Sarutobi took a scrap of paper from Seita’s hands. She unfolded it and turned paper white. This was actually happening for real.

Without another word Sarutobi ran to the bridge and pretty much jumped into Gintoki’s arms. Hasegawa just like Tsukuyo knew it was the right time to give some privacy to the couple. 

“Really? Gintoki actually picked Sarutobi Ayame?” Hasegawa’s bet was on Tae. “If Gintoki was already doing the parenting job he could at least get some sugar from the elder sister. Right? Or at least with Tsukuyo. The blonde was really hot and had all the right curves. But, Sarutobi Ayame? You don’t want a mentally unstable woman by wife even if that means you could turn her into your willingly sexual slave.” Hasegawa stops there his train of thoughts. “This world had less and less sense by the day, but love was like that, wasn’t it? Nah. That couldn’t be called love. Gintoki was probably just trying to avoid Sarutobi commits suicide. Always the hero. Yeah, that has a lot more of sense.”

_________________________________________  
At the same time upon the bridge...

“Long time without finding you in my closet, Stalker” Gintoki catched Ayame into his arms.

“I… I’ve been busy chasing after the steps of a dangerous killer, but don’t change the subject the answer to your note is yes,” she gave him a kiss upon his left cheek, “yes,” she gave him a kiss upon his right cheek, “yes,”she gave him a kiss upon his left temple, “yes,” she gave him a kiss upon his right temple, “yes,” she gave him a kiss upon his forehead, “yes,” she gave him a kiss near his left eye, “yes,” she gave him a kiss near his right eye “yes,” she gave him a very quick peck upon the tip of his nose. “Of course I want to formalize our union. Specially now that I’m pregnant,” she placed a hand upon her tummy caressing it softly.

“Really? you might be pregnant with my child?” Gintoki placed Sarutobi upon the floor with care without letting go of her hand as if he would caress too that imaginary child. When he turned around to look for Tsuky, Seita or the guy at the magazine store, none of them were in sight. 

“Our child,” Sarutobi corrected him, squeezing his hand and looking deeply into his eyes, so deeply she made him turn in the same direction of the fading sun to have a real good look at the color of his sclera and producing some shadow with one of her hands she tested the normal dilatation and contraction of his pupils.

“Then come to the Yorozuya with me. We need to tell my kids about their new little sibling.”

“We could be waiting for triplets, you know? In my family by part of my mom they had lots of triplets and from the side of my father they were always twins.” In Sarutobi’s elaborated fantasy you could see a farm of pigs with two enormous swines feeding its little piglets. “They were so many children in their families their parents ran out of ideas to name them and put numbers on them instead.” In the fantasy you could see clearly it was just the normal way to mark the porks in a regular farm. “But then it was lonely me, they thought I wasn’t normal.” Of course a human toddler feeding herself among the little pigs was the exact definition of ‘abnormal’.

“Don’t worry if it’s only one we’ll have more work to do Stalker.” In Gintoki’s fantasy Ayame was helding a little monkey by her hand and Gintoki was holding a little pig into a white blanket. “ If we have a boy. May I name him after the Gorilla?”

“I haven’t thought about names, yet. I’m only starting to convince myself it isn’t a random poison food case, but my body adjusting to give proper shelter to a new life so... it’s a bit early to fix a label upon something so frail, but I’ll think about it. I promise.”


	6. Chapter 6

Ayame Sarutobi had been sleeping at the Yorozuya for the last three days. It wasn’t the first time she had spent her night here, but certainly it was the first time she’d been invited to sleep into a proper room and not under the floor or above the ceiling or into a cabinet and on top of that with her presence being acknowledged for all the members of the house.  
She was glad to see Kagura was doing better or at least starting to move forward and of course it was always fun to tease the four eyed kid with improper sexual comments. Obviously he was the less pleased with their current arrangement, but when Kagura laughed he could forget about everything even about his natural dislike for Ayame.   
For the last time Ayame checked her reflection into the bathroom’s mirror. Eye bags, checked with purple and green makeup under her eyes. Permanent hair, checked the lilac wig was into place. Morning bad breath, checked and reinforced after eating a red onion and two cups of natto. Mom’s giant ass, double checked with a pair of cushions under her pajamas. Sexappeal turned off, checked with the horrible pajamas she was wearing.   
It had been a good week so far, she told herself, but it was time to keep moving on with their lives and end with the little charade. No man will ever wish to marry the kind of woman she was going to play today. “Sadist mode turned on,” she whispered to her reflection before going out of the bathroom.

But when the door slid open, the real surprise was for her. There at her feet the hands of Zenzou Hattori and Tae Shimura were trying to reach for her toes. Both lying on the ground being held for a human chain of corpses. Zenzou was being pulled backwards by Shinpachi, who was also being pulled by Kyuubei and Catherine. Tae on her part was being pulled backwards by Tsukuyo who was also being helped by Kagura and Tama. Gintoki and Otae were at the far end of the room as impartial spectators?.

“Good morning?” offered Zenzou extending his hand as if asking to be touched. 

“Good afternoon, you mean” complained Tae extending her hand also in almost the same gesture.

“It’s a match,” declared Otose exhaling a bunch of smoke from her cigar. At her words everyone stood up and started to rearrange their clothes.

Gintoki simply walked in front of Ayame to give her a proper good morning kiss that included a hand grabbing the cushions in her ass. “Morning sickness, my love or was it the sexcapade we had last night?” 

Ayame Sarutobi was speechless. Sure as hell Gintoki had beaten her in this game, better not to take lightly his S side she pointed to herself. Her brain trying in vain to process all the information she had in front of her eyes. Did Gintoki just kissed her on the lips in front of everyone and addressed her nonexistent pregnancy or sexual life as an excuse ? but “ Why…? I mean What are all of you doing here?”

“You have a wedding to plan and those two were demanding their right to be the official wedding planner in name of the bride,” Otose pointed to Zenzou “and in name of the groom” Otose pointed to Tae.

“If I’m going to pay for the wedding. Don’t you think it’s only fair I’ll be the one making the bigger choices,” clearly Zenzou was still trying to obtain Ayame’s approval.

“As if you knew anything about hosting a wedding,” said Tae cleaning her nails with her kimono. 

“I might know nothing about weddings, but I know enough to know they can run out any budget really quickly,” declared Zenzou holding both of his arms and palms up in front of Tae.

“Care to mention again the ridiculous budget you had in mind. Mr. Stingy” only then Tae raised her eyes to met Zenzou’s face with a sardonic smile.

“A quarter ryo is more than enough for a proper and sober celebration, ” Zenzou turned again towards Ayame entering her personal space as he made special emphasis on the words proper and sober.

“See?” Tae was by Ayame’s side at once pushing away Gintoki. “You’ll need to drink pee with that budget. You need me as your wedding planner Saachan”

“Enough!” It was Otose again. “ We already heard all the arguments and it was settled than the first to reach Ayame will be the official wedding planner. It was a fair match. So both of you will have to share the responsibility for hosting a proper shinto wedding.”

Two hours and one hundred and eighty five wedding magazines later the first version of the Wedding Mortal Games had begun.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________  
A clear frontier line was drawn across the Yorozuya’s living room. Tae stood from one side with pink shirts, red shorts and red bands with the inscription ‘The bride side sucks’ in her arms and Zenzou stood from the other side with blue shirts, yellow shorts and yellow bands saying ‘No, we don’t’.  
A war had been declared and the only thing left to do was to pick a side for the confrontation.

Kyuubei took a pink shirt and red shorts without hesitation. 

Tsukuyo on her part gave a deep sigh and took one of Zenzou’s shirts and yellow bands. 

One glance of Tae made Shinpachi jump by her side and one compliment from Zenzou made Catherine decide her place just by Shinpachi’s side. “Do you think I’m that desperate for attention,” Catherine spatted after spitting at Zenzou’s feet.

Kagura looked at Tae and simply said. “Sorry ane-go, but I’m with the blue ninja on this one.” She went by Tsuky’s side and took her blue shirt. Ayame tried to go to Zenzou’s side, arguing it was obviously the bride’s side, but Gintoki stopped her saying it was too dangerous for an obviously pregnant woman to go into such dangerous waters. She was only allowed to wear the t-shirt and Tama took her place instead as it was the only way to keep up the teams with the same number of participants.

Once again Otose was picked as the only one with enough authority to be an impartial referee and Gintoki and Ayame should remain as neutral witnesses for the bride and groom side respectively.

Pulling out a kunai from her kimono Tsukuyo was the first in adjusting her shirt into something more sleeve-less fashionable. Catherine followed her example making a complete cat-suit from her pieces of cloth. Gintoki simply took the bandage and tied it up around his boken. With the exception of Shinpachi who looked really uncomfortable into a two sizes too small uniform designed for girls the rest changed without trouble into their new uniforms for war.

With no surprise the first battle was the budget. For the kind of wedding Tae had on her mind she couldn’t accept less than 4 ryo while Zenzou stoically insisted on his quarter of ryo wedding. 

A relay run was settled then. A running circuit crossing from side to side of the Kabuki district was predetermined. The rules were clear for everyone. In a lapse of two hours each runner of each team must hand off a baton to the next runner of their team. For each baton that reached the end line after properly being passed a quarter of ryo was going to be added or subtracted from the initial budget. Being of course a quarter of ryo the minimal budget allowed in case zero or a negative values could be achieved. A lap could be disqualified for dropping the baton, for making a false starting or the entire team could be disqualified for playing dirty against another competitor.

At the starting point Tae and Zenzou took their place, ready to hear the initial gun-shot . “One, two…” Gintoki was counting before firing one of Tatsuma’s guns into the air. Number three was a loud distinctive sound. Tae and Zenzou started to run at once. Tae was light and fast, but Zenzou was only starting to warm up and by the half of their section of the circuit he had left her behind.   
“Stick, stick, stick,” Zenzou screamed as he approached Tsuky for behind, she had her hand stretched backwards ready to receive the baton and was starting to run forward, but just when Zenzou thought she had grabbed it, the baton slipped from their hands and ended on the ground.  
“Invalid lap,” pointed out Hasegawa who was helping to monitor the race. Tae passed by their side giving her baton to Kyuubei who eventually passed it on Catherine and onto Shinpachi who finished the first lap and the first quarter of ryo to sum up all in less than 7 minutes.  
Zenzou wasn’t going to let the spirit of his team drop down for a simple mistake and quickly ran to the starting point to start all over again, but without matter how many times and in how many ways he gave the baton to Tsukuyo it ended on the ground. Again and again.  
“You clearly are doing this on purpose,” he screamed in desperation and without air when the budget was clearly above the 4 ryo Tae had asked for and he was the only member of his team to have run a mile.   
Tsuky only shrugged. “We are on the bride’s team, Zenzou. Why would we want a smaller budget for the wedding?”  
It’s late afternoon when the sound of a cannon echoes upon the streets of the Kabuki district. The blue holographic picture of Hattori Zenzou in the sky announcing his defeat.


	7. Chapter 7

Zenzou Hattori was refreshing himself a little and adjusting the bandages around his torso at the Yorozuya’s bathroom. Everything seemed into place despite the efforts of the afternoon.

“You… you were injured,” said the head of Ayame Sarutobi hanging down from a missing panel at the ceiling..

“This?” Zenzou pointed at his ribs and shrugged “ It was only a scratch”

“Thought. You weren’t… taking more jobs for a while.”  
Ayame descended then keeping the tone of her voice low. It was evident she wanted to keep this conversation unknown for the rest of the people at the house.

“It wasn’t exactly a job. I tried to cheat at the wrong gambling table if you know what I mean.” Zenzou took the time to look at Ayame figure in front of him now. She was still too thin and pale to look healthy, but the circles around her eyes were less dark and she was starting to win a bit of the weight she had lost during the last year. It was visible the Yorozuya was taking good care of her, but she was hesitant and almost afraid of something. Zenzou chuckled, he was the one without a shirt, yet she was the one looking naked. “Didn’t you think I might be taking a good lump here?” he hoped his silly comment would help her to relax a little. 

She really wanted to tell him she had seen his sorry ass enough times as to not being afraid of it anymore, or than when he was going to use the loo for that he wouldn’t let his H lotion behind, but what came out of her mouth instead was. “Sorry.” Her shoulders dropped into a middle bow. “ I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into all this nonsense of the wedding.”

“Why? “ Zenzou placed a hand upon one of her shoulders making her stand more straight. “Everyone is having a good time I’m having a good time.” He was a little bit taller than her and from the angle where they were both standing they could look right into each other eyes, he continued “Besides wasn’t it the promise we made about getting back to our friends to do stupid things together?” At his words Ayame’s gray eyes filled with tears.

“Hey. You promised not to cry remember?” Zenzou took one of Ayame’s hands into his squeezing it softly. They were closer now and he could almost swear her heart was beating faster.

“Or I’ll look too ugly?” she almost muttered.

“Even for my standards.” with one hand he softly moved a strand of her hair from her face, their breath was now in synchrony. He looked at her eyes, then at her lips only a few inches away from his own. Zenzou closed his eyes and slowly started to close that little distance between them waiting for Ayame to encounter him halfway. She never did.

When Zenzou opened his eyes she was looking down at the floor avoiding his glance. “What is this?” Said Zenzou, now aware of a little something Ayame was pressing into his right hand.

“I’ll get you the other 2 Kobans, by the end of the week.” A Koban was a gold coin equivalent to one ryo. And the thing in Zenzou’s hand was a little bag with 3 Kobans inside. Ayame was trying to pay for her own wedding.

He returned the little bag at once pushing Ayame with it. “Are you trying to insult the pride of your elder brother?”

“Zenzou...” Ayame was still trying to argue.

He wasn’t going to let her say anything else on the subject. “If a man is man enough to make a big bet. He should be man enough to pay for it.” Turning his back to her he put his blue t-shirt on mumbling. “Besides I couldn’t take the orphan’s money.”

“You knew?” Ayame couldn’t hide the tone of surprise in her voice. She thought nobody would be able to establish a connection between her and the mysterious donor of the orphanage.

“I suspected, now I know.” Said Zenzou placing his hand upon the sliding door. “ He’ll be proud of you, Sarutobi“ The ‘he’ Zenzou Hattori mentioned was his father. He had taken care of Edo’s city orphanage for at least 20 years. The place was the never ending source of new recruits for ninja training just like Ayame Sarutobi, but it was also the shelter for hundred of homeless children.

“it’s still a big deal of money. I wouldn’t feel fine taking Iga’s people money,” Ayame placed a hand onto the door more like a gesture than an actual blocking. Zenzou Hattori was now the main leader of the Iga territory. The new government had offered him an official job at the senate by the next spring when the capital restoration will be finished to speak for them. 

“Don’t worry about it. I promise It won’t be rice money, look at it as his last present for you.”   
Zenzou started to slid the door then, but Ayame pushed the door close with a strong tung.

“We both know the Hattori house was broken when he died.” She wasn’t whispering anymore anyone on the second floor of the Yorozuya might hear her loud and clear. “ Most of the dowry pieces of jewelry he left for me are fakes. We took what was left of your mother’s dowry and we made up some other pieces, but then he had to sell most of the fine ones to keep the orphan and the rice production of Iga lands going on” She looked exhausted but at the same time relieved by her last word.

“Actually all of them are fakes now. I had to sell the fake ones and the good ones that were left. They were fine imitations of the real things and then I had to sell the not so fine imitations of the imitations and then the crappy pieces too because I just needed more room for my action figure collection.” Zenzou wasn’t yelling like her, but he was also aware they weren’t holding a private conversation anymore, not that it really mattered to him. “What I’m trying to say is that all what is left of your dowry is that piece of paper with the seal of my father upon it . It’s only the wish of a very foolish old man of getting a good husband for his daughter and I’ll do whatever it takes to see that foolish dream of him become real. ”

Zenzou slid the door then and closed it behind him stepping into a living room where everyone was just fine pretending they didn’t hear anything. 

Into the bathroom Ayame spoke to the open window.

“Don’t you have anything to say, Gin-chan”

Gintoki was lying down upon the roof glancing at the stars, just by the side of the bathroom window.  
“I just thought you may want a bit of privacy as you spoke with your brother. You know.”

Ayame climbed outside the window and stood up by Gintoki’s side.

“Didn’t you heard it? There is no 50 ryo dowry”

“Money is a boring subject, stalker. from here what I heard was a chat between two students of the same master still trying to protect what was dear to him.”

“Gintoki,” Ayame’s shoulders dropped down in defeat.. 

Gintoki turned towards Ayame placing his weight onto one of his elbows “Come on, stalker that gloomy face can’t be good for the baby”

“You stupid man. There is no baby,” said Ayame in exasperation and turning to one side her face she muttered and almost soundless “...not anymore anyway” and just with the tremor of that tiny invisible wave, the river she’ve been containing during the last couple of months was finally running free, pounding and menacing with ripping apart her chest. In panic she looked at Gintoki only to understand it was just too late to keep pretending it was just another crazy story in her head.

When her knees failed her. Gintoki hold her there as a rock in the middle of the flood, helping her to remember how to breath.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning Ayame Sarutobi woke up into Gintoki’s futon alone. Her mouth dry, her eyes sore but her chest much more lighter than ever. She inhaled deeply once, twice only to test the sensation. Outside Gintoki’s room the preparatives for the crazy wedding seemed to keep going on right on schedule. Last night Giintoki had carried her into his arms across that living room declaring than his fiancé and him needed some time together, but she was just too damn busy sobbing as a child to see the reactions of anyone.  
Today, she could hear Zenzou and Tae voices screaming at each other about a list of guests.  
“No. We can’t just invite the whole city in,” said Zenzou’s voice.

“You didn’t have a problem with the names of the upper ranks and the entire Oniwabanshu, even if that means we’ll have to make room for an entire army of unknown bodyguards” replied Tae’s voice.

“Pops is like a second father to her and it’s not her fault all her childhood friends were part of the Oniwabanshu,” again it was Zenzoou’s voice.

“We are talking about one former boss and a bunch of former co-workers. I’m pretty certain we can cut those names by half and make more room for some of Gintoki’s really close friends.”

Was it pity or guilt what was making them keep up with the charade? She was certain they had heard most of it. Whatever it could be, Ayame didn’t want to find out. So taking a last deep inhale she stood up, rearranged her hair and clothes and as soundless as she could she opened the window of Gintoki’s room and sneaked outside onto the roof. 

Tama the android with green hair and maid costume was standing just there like a gargoyle of a very old castle with a broom in one hand.

She scared the shit out of Ayame. “What are you doing there?”.

“Gintoki said you might prefer to use this way out and he wanted me to be sure you did not injure yourself in your way down to the snack house where the other’s are taking their breakfasts,” Tama explained in a neutral voice yet her presence with the broom was intimidating. 

If what the android said was true and the voices she heard outside the door were actually the loud voices from the lower floor, Ayame didn’t have to confront the android, she could just get out of here using the front door. Except Ayame Sarutobi had poor sight not bad hearing and she was certain she could trust her ears on this one.

“He told you to lie to me. Doesn’t he?” The ‘he’ in Ayame’s question was obviously Gintoki.

Again in a polite neutral tone of voice Tama replied. “One part of my bank of data says it will be better if you just go, but the other part knows Gintoki’s is counting on me for it not to happen, so please go inside. I don’t want to disappoint Gintoki.”

Ayame let her back rest against the window’s wall and her legs bend until she was sitting upon the tiles of the roof. “I don’t want to disappoint him, either”

Tama followed the example of the other woman and sat by her side on the roof. “50% of married couples divorce. I was engaged once too”

“And what happened?”

“50% of married couples divorce. That’s a high rate of failure. Even if the other person says it wants to expend the rest of its life with you and you think you would like to try there are no guarantees of success. There are no guarantees the other person gets tired of waiting for your reply and forgets completely about you.” Tama’s voice was usually neutral, yet Ayame could hear the painful longing there. 

“I see. In my former work 50% of success is what we called a fair chance. On a good day we could go for much less than that. If it could be an easy job you wouldn’t need to hire a ninja to do it, much less a full squad of them.” 

Tama moved her head from one side to the other. “That’s the description of a really bad job. Worse than cleaning bathrooms and taking out the trash.”

“Oh trust me!” said Ayame “It also involved lots of crap and garbage, but when things were over and the work had been clean and smooth I felt really proud of it. As if my life would have some sort of a bigger meaning, because I had been part of something almost impossible to be done.”

Tama made a big pause as if analysing the deep meaning of Ayame’s words. “I’ll update my bank of data with that new information. Ninjas are a highly efficient cleaning squad.” 

Ayame laughed. “I bet you could say so, but what I was trying to say is there are no guarantees in life. When people say something is impossible what they usually mean is it requires more work, a different approach or both. You can’t just give up only because it won’t be easy."

The android titled her head to one side then said as if remembering something, “as long as you have more than 0% of chance you can’t give up. In my bank of data the name for that emotion is hope. Is that name right to you?”

Ayame nodded.

“ Are you still planning to run away?” Tama asked.

Ayame shaked her head no. She was just like Tama, she simply didn’t want to disappoint Gintoki. And thinking it better what was a bit of public humiliation for a masochist, but a turn on?.

With that Tama stood up. “Then my work here is done. I ‘hope’ you’ll be a good partner for Gintoki,” added before jumping down from the roof.

Hope. An android girl had hoped Ayame Sarutobi wouldn’t be a complete and utterly disaster as someone else companion. The thought was almost laughable except nobody had said something like that to Ayame before. 

Summing up what was left of her courage Ayame went out of Gintoki’s room to find out all the familiar faces of her friends gathered in the living room around two big boards with a long list of names onto them. Tae, Tsuky, Kagura, Shinpachi, Otose, Catherine, Kyuubei, Zenzou, Gintoki and Sadaharu. They were all there as a big family and just like in a big family nobody bothered to pay her too much attention at all.

Upon the board titled ‘Bride’s friends’ she could read names like:   
Matsudaira Katakuriko °  
Matsudaira Kuriko °°  
Soyo Hime °°  
Rotten Maizou °°  
Gou °  
Shuwa °  
Wakikaoru °°  
Matsuo °  
Momochi Rappa °°  
Hinowa °°  
Seita °°  
Jugem Jugem ///°°°°  
Hedoro °°  
Hasegawa Taizou °°  
Hasegawa Hatsu °°  
Uchino °

And upon the board titled ‘Groom’s friends’ she could read names like:  
Yamazaki Sagaru °°  
Katsura Kotarou °°  
Elizabeth °°  
Ikumatsu °°  
Musashi Guy °°  
Imai Nobume °°  
Mutsu Munemitsu °°  
Sakamoto Tatsuma °°  
Yagyuu Family °°  
Toujou Ayumu °/  
Kozenigata Heiji °°  
Haji °°  
Saigou Tokumori °°  
Oryou °°  
Ane °°  
Tatsumi °°  
Hashida Family °°   
Hiraga Gengai °°  
Ketsuno Crystal °°//°///°  
Abuto °////°°°°  
Kijima Matako /°////°°°  
Kawakami Bansai /°°°°°°//  
Kamui ///////°°  
Oboro /////////  
Prince Hata °/

Some of the names like Kamui’s name had up to nine signs in front of them. It was some sort of voting system where each one of the presents gave his vote for or against the invitation of a particular name. The voting system turned out to be a wrestling competition where the competitors didn’t know if they were fighting for or against the name in question until the match was over.

“I’m glad you decided to stay,” whispered Gintoki into Ayame’s ear while Kyuubei surprisingly was able to win against Tsukuyo earning a vote in favour of Abuto’s invitation.

“I’m not the only one mourning for lost loved ones here,” replied Ayame, but Gintoki only avoided her glance. Yes, there were things she could see clear even without glasses.


	9. Chapter 9

Tsukuyo’s spine shivered as the cold water poured from a wood ladle hit her right hand. She had yet to repeat the action but this time upon her left hand. Who on their right mind would organize a road trip through all and each one of the shrines in town precisely on winter?.

“You’re supposed to clean your heart of bad feelings here,” said Kyuubei with her stoic expression in place like always. She didn’t wince at the cold water. She didn’t rush her movements. They last what they were meant to last. The exact amount of water for her right hand, for her left hand, for her mouth and to wash the ladle. They were the only two people at the temiyuza or water pavilion of yet another shrine and the others were ahead now paying their respects to the kami or whatever you did ahead. 

Yoshiwara wasn’t exactly the most religious place on earth in fact one of the names to call it was ukiyo a sound with two very different meanings. The Floating World and The Sorrowful World. The later was the feared plane of existence the Buddhist were trying to leave behind. So no, Tsukuyo never bothered to pray too much or to visit this kind of place or to learn the right protocol to pay your respects. Religion has that double sense of morality she couldn’t bear. She didn’t feel sorrowful, she didn’t live in a sorrowful world, she had shackled her chains a long time ago and it has nothing to do with clapping and bowing to a kami. On this particular road trip, she had simply stayed a little behind and copied the gestures of the ones ahead of her, but of course she was far away from accomplish the natural grace and solemnity of Kyuubei’s movements.

“I… I think, I’ll await here,” said the blonde, the air leaving her lungs in a soundly exhalation.

“But it is freezing.” The little woman frowned as if considering the options between two evils, but then in a swift motion took out the cape she had been wearing and placed it around the shoulders of Tsukuyo. 

The warm embrace made a big difference at once. Tsukuyo was also wearing a cape borrowed from Hinowa, but she had to admit it was more of the decorative kind of cloth a fine silk made to be gentle to the touch and pretty to the eyes, but not to keep you warm in the middle of a snowstorm. Kyuubei’s cape was obviously made thinking in the needs of a General surviving the cruelest snowfall, but with the delicate fragrance and frame of a petite woman. 

“What are you doing?” demanded Tsukuyo as she held in place one of Kyuubei’s hands. Kyuubei shivered then, but stood into place. The contrast between the two women was so much more obvious then against that white landscape. One was tall the other was small, one was dark as the night, the other was pale as the moon, one was imperfectly perfect and the other was perfectly imperfect, one was feminine despite her obvious masculinity and the other was masculine despite her obvious femininity, but both had strong rough hands. 

“If you’re going to stay here. You will need it more than I’ll do. Who knows how much time will it take for those two to find all the flaws of the place?” sliding her hand from Tsukuyo’s grasp, Kyuubei’s hand made a little of extra pressure upon Tsukuyo’s left breast. It was the blonde’s turn to ignore the feeling and concentrate instead into Kyuubei’s sardonic gesture, she was trying to roll her eyes as she grunted a little, but it came out of course much more cute than what she would have intended to be.

“The floor is too new, it has obviously been replaced recently, I bet they removed the very presence of the kami from this place, ” said Tsukuyo caressing an imaginary goate and making her voice sound much more deep.

“The floor is too new? How is you didn’t complain about the ceiling being too old in the previous shrine. It would collapse upon all of us with a sneeze,” replied Kyuubei this time making her voice sound much more acute and making a gesture of disdain with her left hand as dusting off imaginary flies.

“They had a reasonable rate. Have you seen the prices here? What does it include? Marishiten sparing the life of all guest for the next century?” Tsukuyo continued with the dramatization, her voice betraying her here and there with a couple of chuckles.

“Forget about it. The light is too low, nobody will see a thing inside, not that it matters with such an ugly bride, but...” Kyuubei was also doing her best not to chuckle during her representation of Tae, but then, then a thought made her lovely features turn grimm. She had to sit down upon the steps of the kamiyuza as if the weight of that single thought were too heavy to keep standing. “They almost quarrel as a married couple,” Kyuubei murmured out loud, but not necessarily to Tsukuyo.

“It’s hard to see someone you like with another person.” Tsukuyo said that to Kyuubei, but her eyes wandered ahead to the shrine. Nobody was in sight at the moment, but they were there inside, together and happy. And even when she didn’t want to be the kind of person who was unhappy with other’s people’s happiness. It hurted all the same.

“It’s a lot better than watch them in pain without knowing what to do or what to say. It’s just that I have yet to accept the idea it won’t be me. It will never be me the one making her happy.” Kyuubei’ eyes were also wandering toward the shrine. In her next blink she pressed her eyes tight to avoid the tears could slip down her cheeks only her voice cracked a little “If only it could have been me instead of Kondou.”

Tsukuyo stood there without knowing what to do or what to say either. What would you say to your reflection in a mirror? What did she say to herself this very morning when she made her hair and make-up and dressed the best she could? I still want to be part of her life? I still want to be her friend? I’m so glad that annoying woman is alive that nothing else matter? Her pain is my pain. Her happiness is my happiness? Is this what happens when you fall for a masochist, you become one too?

“ You know, probably I shouldn’t go inside either” Kyuubei’s voice made Tsukuyo snap out of her silence.

“No. I’m pretty certain, that’s not how she feels about you. She might not return your romantic feelings, but she has feelings for you. I’ve seen how she cares deeply about you. You’re her best friend so don’t you ever think she would rather prefer his life instead of yours. If she really had a say in the matter she would pick up both, alive and safe and by her side.” Taking off the cape from herself and placing it around Kyuubei’s shoulders Tsukuyo added, “here, you’re going to wash away those bad thoughts from your heart and then you are going to explain to me how many claps and bows I should do and why should I do them so I’ll know what I’ll be doing instead of embarrassing myself in front of everyone.”

Kyuubei only nodded, but one of her hands was upon one of Tsukuyo’s hands.

Three weeks later, two hundred and twenty five shrines later, forty five uncalled snow fights later. The perfect shrine for the ceremony was found. It was one of the twelve shrines by a pond in Yotsuya.


	10. Chapter 10

Life as he had known it was now over. So young, so full of possibilities and all of those... suddenly over. To think the devil had chosen such an innocent female face and such dexterous hands to literal adjust the hangman's knot around his neck and deprive him from a future was just another of its cruel jokes. 

More or less those were the thoughts crossing the mind of Shimura Shinpachi as he hang by ropes in the middle of the Yorozuya’s headquarters with cat ears upon his head and a cat’s tail hanging out of his ass. It wasn’t really the hangman’s knot the one around his neck, but an asymmetrical version of the inverted shrimp where his right hand was free and the rest of his body pended above 20 inches from the floor curving nicely backwards in more or less the shape of a shrimp, hence the name of the pose. 

No, it hadn’t been Ayame Sarutobi the one leaving him in his current status of half nakedness and self awareness, but of course in the young boy’s mind he was holding her responsible for each one of his physical and mental injuries. The perpetrator had been a very cute young lady of sensual full lips, almond eyes and untangled blue hair. A demon of course, but also a goddess of..

“Holy Marishiten!” The tone of mockery in Hattori Zenzou’s voice filled the kid with shame, but also with hope. 

“Hurry! Help me down from here, please!” squeezing his body, Shinpachi was able to see than in effect. The ninja was the only other person standing by the door of the house with what seemed like a cup of a green ice-cream in his right hand.

Today had been yet another day of ‘research’ for caterers. After two weeks of intense research to find the right chef and even more important. He was quoting Kagura and Gintoki here. ‘The perfect balanced menu’. Shinpachi’s stomach had needed a pause. Between the corn onigiri and farmstead egg omelets, the grilled shishito and jidori chicken tsukune, the steamed pork and ginger shu mai, the riverdog farm asparagus with rich sesame, the mizuna salad with cured pacific halibut, shaved radishes and quail eggs, the marin sun short ribs simmered in sake, the hand rolled udon with katsuobushi broth, the fried early summer vegetables, the grated daikon and tentsuyu, the miso-cured bolinas black cod, the japanese pickles, the hot rice with amanto peas and salted cherry blossoms, the green plum vodka cocktail, the chardonnay, the pinot noir, the don perignon, the eight varieties of Tokutei meishō-shu sakes, the rice shochu, the soba shochu, the sweet potato shochu, the brown sugar shochu, the awamori and the incredible amount of parfait variations with all kinds of raspberries, strawberries, blueberries and milks availables in the entire galaxy he was sure his stomach was ready to vote for a main dish of natto prepared by Tama accompanied by a fresh cup of piss.

“Is that pistachio ice cream?” despite his internal monologue the voice of Shinpachi sounded refilled with curious appetite. 

“Nah, toasted rice matcha ice cream. Only Sarutobi was able to actually like the thing.” From Hattori’s sentence it was easy to conclude two things. The first one. Despite the bad taste of the ice cream the guy was ready to vote for it because Sarutobi actually liked the thing. And the second one. Hattori Zenzou was only a bit ahead from the others in order to throw away the awful ice cream without being seen. 

“Stop staring! And help me! Before the others arrive!” with all his struggles, the presentation card the blue haired woman had left upon his chest fell to the floor.

“Now, now boy. If I decide to help you out of this one and I’m not saying I’ll do it. What is in there for me?” with a sardonic smile the ninja picked up the card from the floor revealing it was indeed a kunai presentation card and probably the only real chance Shinpachi had of preserving his honor intact. Why on earth he didn’t check the card was now out of the question.

“I’ll do anything you ask. You’ll have my vote for the stupid matcha ice cream. You’ll have my vote from now on. I’ll be your inside man on the groom’s team.” Knowing all too well this was probably a bad idea Shinpachi was all the same more than ready to beg for his life.

“Nah. Your sister is too clever for that.” The ninja was clearly enjoying each second of Shinpachi’s misery. “She’ll notice there is something fishy in you and she will turn it in her favour calling your vote null or disqualifying my team. No. It has to be something more subtle. Only one vote, but in something important for Sarutobi. Something that it is not yet, upon the table in a manner of speaking.” Slowly pacing from one side to the other of the room Hattori was taking his time. Who might thought Gintoki wasn’t the only S in their team. “I get it!. The music. She loves the music of Kamagata Eiichi he make fusions with some Amanto rhythms like the one she has as a ring tone in her cell phone. Your vote is going to be for him.”

“Exactly which other options are we considering? We’re not talking about perhaps hiring Terakado Tsuu. Aren’t we? ” Shinpachi had to be certain of all his options. There are things more important than a man’s pride after all. 

“Who is Terakado Tsuu?”

“The most perfect singer for the wedding. You just need to hear her and I’m sure Saa-chan loves her music.” To say than Saa-chan loved her music was perhaps an exaggeration, but who on earth didn’t love Terakado Tsuu. 

“Good try kiddo, but... I’m just sorry I was unable to help you.” The ninja just left the cup of matcha ice-cream by Gintoki’s desk. Outside, climbing the stairs you could hear the voices of Tae and Kagura talking about strong coffee and tea infusions with Otose and Tama.

“Nooo!!!. Wait. I’ll do as you say, just, just don’t let me hanging in here.” In panic Shinpachi understood it was his only choice. Tsuu will have to understand.

“Oh! The things I do for a pal,” with a dramatic sigh. Hattori threw a couple of kunais. Letting Shinpachi free of the hanging pose, but not free of the ropes which was a nice gesture considering the ropes were the only thing covering Shinpachi’s body.

Moving like a caterpillar, but with the speed of a rabbit and well the ears and tail of a cat. Shinpachi was able to reach the balcony window where he hoped to hide from sight and from where he hoped to reach Gintoki’s room window.

“Is that a butt plug?” It was Kyuubei’s voice. 

Gintoki, Kyuubei and Saa-chan were carrying a pretty much unconscious Tsukuyo by the fire staircase and looking as if they had just fought a Naraku’s faction by themselves.

“Amaretto ice-cream,” was Gintoki’s only explanation.

“Holy Marishiten,” in a second Saa-chan was invading Shinpachi’s personal space or whatever you call the space in front of your rope covered crotch. “Who did such a perfect job? I can’t. It couldn’t be! It has to be his work. Look at the attention to the tips. It’s so tidy and clean and expressive. And the rope is so colorful! You need to dye it by hand to reach that tone of red! Oh!,” Saa-chan’s moan would have made blush a rock, not that Shinpachi would be thinking about solid, steady, firm, hard structures at the moment. “...and so soft to the touch.” Thankfully Gintoki picked up that moment to take Saa-chan and her exploratory hands away from his groin even if that meant to throw Tsukuyo’s body entirely into Kyuubei’s hands.

“So, you also had a bit of Amaretto ice-cream yourself,” It wasn’t really a question from Gintoki to the tipsy fiance in his arms.

“It would be a waste to leave it behind. She didn’t eat more than spoonful of it,” Saa-chan was pouting in an almost childish gesture. In moments like this one Shinpachi could almost understand what Gintoki found attractive in the crazy girl. “When you’re done with your thing, four eyes. May I keep the rope?” but then of course the crazy girl had to say or do something to completely erase the understanding from Shinpachi’s part.

Two jars of strong coffee and a very reasonable amount of self-care private bathroom time later, everyone had regained their self-composure.

“Can anyone tell me why exactly are we hiring a Kinbaku Master without the proper consideration of everyone?” The one complaining was of course Tae and her glance was thankfully directed at Hattori Zenzou.

“The right term is just Nawashi,” tipsy or not, Saa-chan couldn’t hide her excitement for the thing, well at least not until she turned to look at Gintoki pensive face. “ Oh Gin-chan. You don’t need to take lessons with anyone on that subject. My love. Anything you want to do with my body is just fine. You’re the only Nawashi I need in my life, because when you’re the one holding me into place, there are no more strings than the ones that bind our hearts together.”

For a split of a second the scene was almost normal. Normal for Saa-chan and Gintoki standards Shinpachi reminded himself. She was all over Gintoki and Gintoki was mostly just picking his nose without paying too much attention to her, ignoring the noisy woman all together, but then he had to say. “Actually taking particular lessons with a Nawashi sounds interesting enough. Well thought H ninja.”

“You’ll pay for them from your own pocket then, Samurai,” Hattori replied with open annoyance, turning his attention to Tae he explained. “The only thing I did was to book a photoshoot of test with Seiu Ito. That’s on the board of things to decide. A good photographer for the wedding!. She’s a good photographer and her works...”

“...Her works depicts a lot of her father’s best works.” Again it was Saa-chan the one showing her erudition on the subject.

“Well… and where is this wonderful photographer? When will we see the photos of our photoshoot of test?” It was Tae, placing two and two together, like always. 

Sinpachi didn’t want to say a word more on the subject, but there were no more options. “Actually… I’m not so sure she’ll be willing to work at the wedding…”

Two hours of unsatisfactory explanations later. Shinpachi, Tae, Hattori Zenzou, Saa-chan and Gintoki were at the house of Nawashi Ito to offer what seemed as a necessary apology to his daughter.

The Ito house was a traditional Japanese building, surrounded by a delightful garden. They were directed to a Shoin or the equivalent of a drawing room to wait for the Nawashi. The panels of the room were decorated with master pieces of paint depicting monstrous creatures torturing men and women. In one of the panels a pregnant woman is being hang down by an Onibaba (the demon of an old woman). The monster pulls through ropes from the woman taking her from a burning fire through a pail of water and back again. On another panel the body of a woman hanging from ropes bleeds as a Samurai pierces her body over and over again with a katana. On another one a demon rips off the face of a man with his bare hands. On another a man with broken and burned arms and legs is waiting for the final blow that will end with his misery. 

Shinpachi is starting to feel dizzy from only looking at the images. 

“Nawashi.” The voice of reverence of Saa-chan announces the arrival of a very old tiny man.

Slowly the man walks to the only elevated step in the room where he sat. They all sat on the floor after him.

“Is that you my Blue Iris? Let me see you closer, my girl. My sight is not what it used to be.” 

The guy is clearly blind and what he does when Saa-chan goes closer to him is to touch her face with his hands. He smiles as if he could see her with his eyes.

“We would like to talk with Seiu Ito, Sensei.” Is Saa-chan request after a moment.

“My daughter is quite a celebrity these days, but you’ll see she’s very upset because some sort of depraved guy offended her this morning.” At Mr Ito’s words Shinpachi wants to run away to hide where no man or creature will be able to find him. Until this very moment he had managed to avoid the exact recollection of the events of that morning, he was just hoping for a moment of discretion with the woman to offer his apology to her. Was it really too much to ask for?

“Really?” Saa-chan encourages the old man’s words.

“Yeah, by luck she was able to perform the double snake knot around this pricks prick. You know the one that makes the entire thing to fall at the third day.” With a soft gesture of his old hand the man pointed to a panel where a demon was strangling the member of a man with a rope.

“The one you used to say that was practiced to the eunuchs of the the Maoi temple?” Saa-chan’s voice sounded scared and surprised at the same time.

“Yap, that same and only, my girl. At first the guy is not going to feel anything abnormal, maybe a little scratch between his legs nothing out of the ordinary, but by tomorrow the thing will be doubling its size as if the devil himself will be pulling from it. And by the third day...BANG!” The old man finished his description with a scissors gesture.

Shinpachi was at the feet of the old man on his knees. “You have to help me, you have to save my prick, there has to be a cure. I swear I didn’t want to offend her. She, she was so skillful and beautiful. I mean. It wasn’t her fault. No, I’m not blaming her for my actions. I didn’t want to come upon her hand the way I did. I swear. It’s just the moment she touched me. I... I simply lost it.”

“Dad!! Stop tormenting the poor guy. And Saa-chan I thought you were an M not an S by nature!” By the sliding door of the room the woman with untangled blue hair, almond eyes and sensual full lips was standing, her arms crossed upon her chest.

“Seiu Ito.” The voice of Shinpachi still sounded doubtful above the tremor of giggles of all the other people in the room.

With a glance Seiu Ito was able to silence all the giggles. “Why are you here? The only reason I left, was because you obviously needed a little time to collect yourself. Sometimes the work we do causes that effect on people, but the privacy and security of our clients are our priority.” She directed a very specific reproachful glance to her father. If the guy reacted to the weight of her glance or to the emphasis of her words was a mystery, but he looked a bit ashamed and apologetic at once.

“But you let me in there hanging, for anyone to find me like that!”

“You had your right hand free and I placed a kunai upon your chest!”

“It is from men to take something beautiful and to turn it into a nightmare, boy, but it is also from men to take something awful and transmute it into something beautiful. That’s pretty much what I did with my father’s legacy.” The old man stood up then with his palms up pointing at all the horrible torture methods described in the panels at once. “He used to work as an interrogator for the Oniwabanshu. No man will hold on a secret from him. I helped him to prepare the ropes and sometimes I helped him to feed the prisoners. I grew old seeing what could be done to others against their will, but then I noticed it wasn’t the ropes fault. There was beauty and peace even in such awful job. When I see my daughter’s job I feel pride the true legacy of this family will not die with me.”


	11. Chapter 11

Being part of a family was nice, but sometimes it was overwhelming too. All the love, the laughs, the noise, the lack of privacy. The cozy routines. Who wakes up first, who eats what, who sits near who, who complains about what, who proposes the craziest idea of the day. It was like having twelve again and being at the orphanage with the Shogun Shige Shige and Waki and Matsuo and Gou and Shuwa and Zenzou and yes with Sensei Hattori too except there was no real suicide mission to accomplish now, not even when the crazy bunch wanted to pretend otherwise making a battle of the simplest choices. One or two appetizers. Let’s see who eats more marshmallows hanging from strings. A buffet or a formal dinner. Let’s play strip poker, the boring blurred censored version of course. Champagne or Sake. Let’s play cockroach blowing. The entire menu was decided by a pizza throwing game, where they had to throw a pizza from one building into the open microwave in the next building. Maybe that was the problem, they all had been at war for so long that peace was too scary to bare without other partners in arms, without a mission.

After a creative disagreement about the wedding dress design, with her own bride’s team. Sarutobi Ayame had fled the Yorozuya headquarters very early. Nobody had been supportive on her idea of a latex doll-suit for the ceremony. Not Gintoki and not even Zenzou shared her views on the practical symbolism of the costume to represent complete submission and obedience from the bride to her groom. No. They were all voting for the traditional tsunokakushi a piece of pure silk worn around the head to veil the bride's horns of jealousy and to represent the bride's resolve to become a gentle and obedient wife. Basically the same thing, but in a much more depressing white color.

However. Now after a refreshing day at an onsen all by herself and the assassination of a child’s molester she had delayed by months. Sarutobi felt renewed. The sun wasn’t on sight anymore, but It wasn’t too late to tell the truth, it was just the fact winter had shorter days. So the main concern in her mind was to be on time for a cup of crab hot pot and a place by the side of Gintoki under the kotatsu. It was a surprise when she recognized the boysenberry hair color of Wakikaoru leaving Gintoki’s house. 

“Owaki Is that you?”  
When they say you should be careful with your thoughts, it is because sometimes they work like long distance calls where you might end summoning... anything really, from heaven or from hell.

“Osaru! What a coincidence?” Wakikaoru replies with a warm mischievous smile that almost stops Sarutobi’s heart. Wakikaoru was a breath taking woman, in more than one sense. Short hair, pixie like features and a very characteristic high pitched voice.

“You’ve been dragged too into the preparatives for the wedding.” Sarutobi didn’t say it as a question, as the other woman was pretty much leaving the crime scene.

“No.” Quickly, but not too quickly Waki answers moving her head no and pressing the notebook she had on her hands against her chest. “I just needed Zenzou’s seal on some papers for the kunoichi cafe. I called. He said he was going to be here. That’s all.”

Sarutobi frowns, crossing both arms in front of her chest. “You’re a terrible liar, Waki”. 

It was of course a lie. Wakikaoru was one of the best liars Sarutobi had met in her entire life. Quick with words, quick with her mind, a good listener and above all a meticulous person with no sense of shame or remorse. The kind of person able to make you doubt your own name.

“And you’re better?” Waki also crosses both of her arms in front of her chest and points for a few seconds with her eyes to the second floor of the Yorozuya house. If she wasn’t taking lightly Sarutobi’s remark or if it was her way to counterattack Sarutobi’s bluff. It wasn’t clear, but either way the duel was on.

“What do you mean by that?” Sarutobi of course had a pretty good idea of what Wakikaoru might be implying with her glance, but she didn’t want to think about it. In her mind a lie wasn’t really a lie if everyone was aware it was a lie. Without the element of deception lies were just soothing words to make life… bearable.

“Fine!” says Wakikaoru letting out a sight of pure exasperation and pulling Ayame by the alley to one side of the building. “It was supposed to be a surprise for you. The boss just ordered the most insane amount of ‘Ayames’ that you can imagine. I’m not even sure now how am I going to get so many, but by the day of your wedding. My mission is to be certain you’ll be swimming through Blue Irises. Happy now?” 

Ayame was the Japanese name for Blue Irises.

“Isn’t lilac a bad luck color for a wedding?” Sarutobi says it because Blue Irises are not actually blue, they were named like that before the purple color had earned their own name and its rightful meaning in our daily lives, in a more pacific era where the uprising of tones like lavender, amethyst, periwinkle, iris, violet, boysenberry, plum, grape, mulberry, jam, eggplant, orchid, wine, risin, magenta or heather, was still unthinkable. And her worry is because there is an old omen declaring purple as a non desirable color for weddings. The idea is that as purple is the color most liable to fade. At least it was like that in the pre-industrial era. It is simply of bad luck for an eternal... entire life, commitment.

“Yeah. I know, that was the main concern of his girlfriend, but he managed to convince us all. What’s the point of that when you are a very iris Ayame yourself. What is more jinxed than you at your wedding?” Wakikaoru’s words didn’t carry any particular inflection, they were said just as a matter of fact account of the reunion upstairs. They lacked the venom and hurtful intention she could pour into words and maybe because of that they resulted so sour to Sarutobi’s ears.

“Pardon? I wasn’t follow you. Who’s girlfriend?”

“Tae Shinurra?” To pronounce that name Wakikaoru made a brilliant bad performance of the well known play ‘I’m trying to remember, but I simply don’t care’, condensing into that simple misspelling her complete dislike for the woman. “I’m bad with the names. The pretty one with the bad temper and the superiority complex.”

“Otae is not Zenzou’s girlfriend,” replies Sarutobi realizing a second too late that she had fallen exactly for the other woman’s tramp.

“Isn’t she?” declares Wakikaoru with grin of pure mockery.

“You know how he loves his fuglies. She is too pretty for his tastes and she… she is mourning and she would never, ever accept a ninja as her boyfriend.” Sarutobi hopes she doesn’t sound as if she had thought about this particular subject before.

“I’m pretty too and I was his girlfriend, at least for a while,” again Wakikaoru sounds complete nonchalant taking her time for the words to sink in and do their work. “With him is all about the charming imperfections like you know a bad temper or a superiority complex.”

“A high pitched voice, a thing for torturing people.” Cornered against the wall Sarutobi was admitting what looked like defeat.

“It’s a gift. And you loooove me for it,” with more confidence Wakikaoru invades Sarutobi’s personal space.

“Because…” Sarutobi moistens her lips “What is a rose without thorns…” 

Both women snort in giggles for a while at their private little joke until their eyes are wet with tears and someone opens a window at the Yorozuya’s heartquarters to see what the noises are about. The corny phrase was a favorite of their 'seduction teacher' when they were kids and no impersonation of the old woman failed to make them laugh. They both fleet then and end up sitting on the edge of a roof a few streets ahead.

“I miss those days,” says Wakikaoru looking at the horizon with a longing smile. Maybe, only maybe she's missing someone in particular too.

“I miss them too,” says Sarutobi taking the other woman’s hand into hers in a comfort gesture. 

“So…” Wakikaoru pulls away her hand then. She’s ready for the next round. “Is this Silver groom of yours so good with the sword as he was with his other sword in the battlefield?”

“Waki!” Sarutobi rolls her eyes as she tries her best to look shocked by the question.

“You’re actually blushing… that’s very promising!” Wakikaoru’s chin is almost resting upon her own shoulder as her conspirators lips grin to one side of her pretty face, the worst part is yet about to come Sarutobi can just feel it in her bones. “For a moment there I might have thought the guy was a ketsu no ana fan if you know what I mean.” Wakikaoru was mispronouncing the weather’s girl name on purpose. “One of those samurais in love with ‘that’ instead of ‘this’. Not that there is anything wrong with that... ‘that’.” A tasteful pause for another distasteful comment where she frowns her tiny nose. “Seriously that’s nobody else’s business besides his and of course his wife and you know his lover or is it his apprentice?. I never really grasped the Samurai’s customes that well.”

Sarutobi only sighs really upset trying to count to ten. By no means she wasn’t going to give Wakikaoru the satisfaction of answering her accusations. 

After a minute or two of awkward silence Wakikaoru gives up. “Do you mean I tortured that spy guy of the Shinsengumi for not one good piece of decent information?” She pouts evidently trying to look cute “I should be getting soft with the aging.” Wakikaoru makes emphasis on the aging word. Offering an entrance for a counter attack was the closest she could be to offer a real apology.

Sarutobi doesn’t go for that, but gives her an understanding glance that says. Yes, I know what you’re doing there, but I’m still offended.

Wakikaoru holds up both her palms up. “Ok, ok without dirty tricks. Tell me how is it then? You are really all ready to die your teeth black and pluck out your eyebrows?” As weird as it sounds blacking your teeth and plucking the eyebrows were a common practice among the most elegant Japanese women of the era. Married and expensive courtesans used to do just that to express their I’m taken status.

Sarutobi spoke then. “If that is what it takes, yes. I’m willing to go that far. I don’t know what you heard about Gintoki, but he’s worth it. If he wants me as his fiance. I’ll be his fiance. If all of this is nothing more than a big joke. I’ll be his big joke to laugh about.”

“You are in love with the guy.” Wakikaoru’s voice was soft then almost like a whisper.

“Yes I love him!,” snaps Sarutobi almost to the top of her lungs. “Of course I love Gintoki!” Sarutobi murmurs almost to herself, looking sad and more lonely than ever. Shaking her head no to erase an invisible argument that is only in her head she finally looks at Waki and in a more calmer neutral tone she adds. “Look I don’t know what this is ok. I simply don’t have a clue. I just know this wedding charade is something I have to do for Gintoki.”

“Oh! You’re so cute when you’re in pain. The squirming, the blushing, the indecision, the guilt eating you from the inside.” Wakikaoru traces the tip of one of Sarutobi’s ears with one of her fingers as one might caress a baby. There is almost no mockery in her voice or at least not in comparison with what she adds then. “Tell the boss the flowers are on me. All of them. A gift to celebrate the worst day of his life. You’re finally ready to be the one walking away from him for a chance!”

Wakikaoru leaves shortly after that with a wink and a blow of a kiss. By the time Sarutobi returns to the Yorozuya, the lights are long off and everyone is already sleeping, no crab hot pot and no cuddling by the kotatsu, but on the boards at the living room she can read the wedding planners had decided about five costumes for the wedding: a white kimono in pure silk for the shinto ceremony with a lilac wig and the awful tsunokakushi, a red kimono for the beginning of the reception, a brightly colored young-girls kimono to party around, an Amanto wedding dress for the cut cake and finally a red latex catsuit to leave for the honeymoon.


	12. Chapter 12

Saa-chan yawns and stretches twice before coming out from the wall closet. Nothing as a good night of sleep in a cozy, secured location to start the day with your spirit renewed. She’s not the first one being up, she knows that because from her strategic spot she overheard Gintoki and Kagura talking about getting some strawberry milk, pudding and natto from the local store. The later one by Kagura’s suggestion of course.

She had just thrown herself upon one of the two blue sofas in front of Gintoki’s desk to wait for her breakfast when Tsukuyo arrives. Through the translucent shoji panels, she can see how the blonde double checks her own obi and fixes the alignment of her clothes before actually ringing at the door. Why people bother with such silly protocols is beyond her comprehension. She opens the door anyway.

“Good morning Saa-chan,” greets Tsuky her eyes exploring the interior of the Yorozuya’s headquarters. “I see you are back already.” A clear tone of plain disappointment in her voice. 

“Nop, Tsuky. Kyu-chan isn't here yet. I bet you will have to wait a little longer to start picturing that tight little body of hers naked and at your mercy,” says Saa-chan pressing together her own breasts with her own arms in an insane way that makes them pop up and jump with her words.

“What?” Tsukuyo is almost in panic, “You… Are you out of your mind? I don’t picture her naked”.

“Yeah, I know complete nakedness is not so enticing. Isn’t?” Saa-chan pulls from her clothes enough to take a good look at her own breasts. “Nothing like a nice sexy costume you can rip off from her body as she tries to pretend it is her first time doing this and that. I bet she will look lovely in a schoolgirl’s uniform two sizes too small with the cute pony tails and the white underwear. You can be the strict teacher refusing to up her grades without the proper motivation of her part,” by then Saa-chan has pushed Tsukuyo onto Gintoki’s chair and she’s sitting on her knees upon the desk. 

“I don’t know what has come over you this morning, but obviously you need to shut up,” Tsukuyo is not amused at all and to make her point clear she even throws a kunai at Saa-chan’s head, but as she dramatically arches her back upon the desk continuing with the dramatization in her head it ends up hitting the opposite wall of the room.

“The problem is she’s so nervous about it because, it is only a rumor in the school, there is almost no chance you will do something like that and because of course because she’s not a slut you know, she only had, the usual self-exploration of her age with the most insane variety of pointy vegetables at the hands of her complete straight besty. And you, you’re not that kind of teacher really. You only had that kind of urges for a single foreign student of last grade. Saddly the girl was silly enough to get herself knocked up by… well not by you obviously as you’re a girl too.” 

Tsukuyo had thrown an insane number of kunais at Saa-chan by now, but apparently they all had missed its purpose by millimeters. Some of them pins the tips of her scarf, another ones the tips of her obi, all the contours of her kimono and even the bandages covering her feet are now fixed by kunais to the top of the desk. However Saa-chan goes on unthreatened by the blonde’s actions. “My point here is you need to start more vainilla with her as she doesn't have the experience of a real M yet, to fully appreciate your skills as an S. You need to start building her taste slowly a little bit of blindfolding maybe, tie her up yes, but I would suggest only her arms with a scarf as you explore her body with your tongue”.

By then Tsukuyo had had enough and was going to pierce Saa-chan’s skull with the last one of her kunais. 

A hand stops it.

“My point would be, you shouldn't be fore playing around with filthy scum if you plan to date my Kyu-chan.” It was no other than Otae, her menacing smile on place.

“What! I.. I wasn't I mean. Nothing of what she said is… I haven't… I wasn't foreplaying. I…” Tukuyo couldn’t turn more red and incoherent at the moment.

“Good morning?” It was Shinpachi, trying his best to find natural the fact Sarutobi was pinned down as a butterfly upon Gintonki’s desk with his sister and Tsukuyo holding hands above her head. “Sooo. What are we discussing today?”

“The sexual compatibility between Tsuky and Kyuu-chan,” replies Saa-chan as just another weather comment. 

“I… I think I’ll be at the kitchen starting with the breakfast if you need something.” The face of Shinpachi Shimura was priceless.

“Don’t forget to wash your hands when you’ll finish!” says Otae.

Shinpachi stops on his tracks and very red and offended turns around to scream “I’m not going to...” 

“What are you not going to do Shinpachi?” by the door carrying a bag with groceries is Kagura. A scarf around her neck and a few snowflakes upon her red hair.

“Nothing. I was going to do nothing, but breakfast,” replies Shinpachi in a much more calm tone of voice, the redness only upon his cheeks now.

“Breakfast is here already. At least for today you don’t need to do anything, Shinpachi” says Gintoki with just another bag of groceries into his arms. He’s also wearing a scarf around his neck and dusting off the remaining snowflakes from his shoulders.

“Are you going to feed me Gintoki? I promise I’ll be a good girl and swallow it all.” Saa-chan squirms in excitement upon the table. 

Gintoki sighs. “I see, someone is in a very cheerful mood this morning.”

“Oh! You just don’t have idea,” says Otae starting to inspect Gintoki’s bag contents.


	13. Chapter 13

Did you ever have one of those days when you are aware you really screw up, but instead of fixing things up you only find ways to screw things further? As that little blood stain upon the right knee of your favourite indigo-dyed selvedge denim that you decide to clean quickly with the help of a bit of coconut hand soap and a tiny towel, but that ends up creating a much more evident white spot right there, one that you can’t stop staring at until you decide it couldn’t be that bad if you apply one of those bleach techniques or if you rip them a bit yourself so you decide to do both techniques and somehow you end up with some hippy like micro short jeans that you’ll never, for the sake of your life, dare to use in public. If you don’t that’s fine. It means you’re a wise lucky person in the denim department or that you have a very boring life in either way the drunk guy of caramel hair trying to stand still at the bar had one of those days. 

To poison or not to poison. That is the question in his mind. Because let’s be honest here. Isn’t it the right course of action for a sinner to sin or for a killer to kill? Yeah, you might argue, just like he has done with himself for the last couple of months or so that there are more honourable ways to kill, but he’s not a honourable man. He was not raised like one at least. In his book, efficiency precedes honour. It must precedes honour. If you’re going to survive. Yeah, you might also argue, what if it is a friend the one he’s going to poison. One who has watched your back through many battles. But let us also be honest here. Friends or enemies. The frontiers are always blurry despite the harsh contrast you desire to add to the picture because the real world is never just black and white. And sometimes, sometimes…

“YOU HAVE TO USE POISON TO OVERCOME A POISON!!!” After the yelling, in a dramatic gesture the man takes out a little flask from his kimono and pours its content into one of the two glasses of whiskey he had ordered then turns around and falls right upon his face. He was too drunk to hold himself standing, even more so to walk around carrying drinks. 

The yelling of this unknown man and his ostentatious fall had interrupted the conversation about Uryu’s real motivations in the last Bleach’s arc between Sakata Gintoki and Hattori Zenzou at a nearby table. They are here at this bar sharing a few drinks after the yuino. The ceremony of expensive gifts the groom and his family offers to the family of the bride to seal the bonding between the two families.

“Have you ever thought about…?”, with a suddenly lost interest into his own chat and drink Gintoki asks his companion.

“What?” Zenzou laughs as a few drops of sweat goes down his temples. “Are you kidding me? If something like that could happen to you the best assassin of the city will haunt me down to kill me.” He takes the unopened bottle of the best whiskey he had ordered a few minutes ago and drops it to the floor.

Gintoki laughs too a few drops of sweat are going down his temples as he takes Zenzou’s glass and drops it to the floor. “What! It’s not as if my future bride will inherit all your fancy titles and incomes in the case you will drop dead like a fish.”

They both decide to call it a night and ask for the bill. 

It’s still a cold winter night with only the orange color of the street lamps warming their walk by the streets. 

Today’s morning had been funny and light, the subject of discussion had been the honeymoon. Sarutobi had jumped at once to explain she was planning to remodel the entire Yorozuya headquarters and turn it into a BDSM dungeon. She even had an entire book of sketches explaining in detail the fantasies for each day of her honeymoon. The furniture they were going to use, the fetishist clothes she was going to wear and of course the gears and elements of restrain Gintoki was going to use on her. For the first day for example she needed a Saint Andrew’s cross, a whip and a chastity belt with a remote dildo built inside. For the second one she needed a wooden horse, 27 ft of hemp ropes, a Wartemberg wheel and the lists and the drawings were on and on to cover two full weeks. After the horror of listening to all her creative ideas nobody complained when Hattori proposed a peregrinage to Ise instead. 

Really, the most simple choice they had taken as a group in forever. An innocent action that gave time to pay attention on other subjects that had been ignored until then. Like the yuino itself.

Again it was Hattori the one bringing up the subject, still with the silly hope this was only a big wedding joke and that maybe now with a more normal Sarutobi, in weights and in spirits, things will follow their natural decadence splitting up.

To everyone's surprise the Yorozuya had an hexagonal envelopment ready to be given to his new brother in law. Inside the container he found the traditional gifts. Abalone shells to express good wishes, dried tuna and dried cuttlefish to express the desire for a long marriage, seaweed to express the desire for tons of healthy children, a few ft of white hemp rope to express solid family ties. Yes, you can bet, Sarutobi went over-emotional upon that one, but even more so upon a few leaves of a willow that were supposed to express gentleness and obedience in a marriage, but that she mistook for some kind of natural whip to do dirty things.

Even Otose offered an obi to Sarutobi, a hakama to Gintoki and a fan to Zenzou to wish for purity, fidelity and a better future for the couple and of course against all the odds the Yorozuya had two bottles of the best sake you might bought in the entire galaxy. A present from an old friend to share with good friends apparently. So again Hattori ended up cornered into saying he eternally accepted them as part of his own family. The entire gifting lacked the crucial part of money, but the old dog, Gintoki no Sadaharu also had it covered. He was anxious to get rid of some remaining little pieces of altana rocks before they may make him lost his precious hair and go bald like the red’s head father. These pieces were worth thousands of ryo in the black market, as long as you wouldn't mind putting at risk thousands of innocent lives so Gintoki offered them to Zenzou to represent unconditional trust.

Now that they were walking down the street. Maybe the perm head of Gintoki was starting to look more thin. So Zenzou took note to keep those pieces of altana rocks into a secure and distant place and to go to sleep at once as the cold air of the night mixed with the alcohol levels in his blood was starting to get to his head and from there to numb his extremities.

“So, still not talking?” It was Gintoki the one breaking the silence.

“What?” Zenzou wasn’t sure if Gintoki was still thinking about their I’m not poisoning you, joke or what.

“You know bro, you’re hiding your head but not your butt. Not that there is anything wrong with your butt, you know. And I say it in a mainly brother like appreciation tone here.” Gintoki was tipsy.

“What the hell are you talking about, dude?” And Zenzou was still pretty much in denial.

“You name it. The reasons for not poison me back there, the reasons why you keep letting me borrow your jump when you’re obviously of the possessive freaking kind, the reasons why you keep saying yes when you would rather scream fuck off.”

“Well for a start, bro, the jump is not the property of just one man... or woman. No wait that came out all wrong and dirty. What I mean is I don’t own that jump you’re talking about, so it’s not my place to decide who might or might not… read it? Again I’m certain that didn’t sound as it should, but the idea was in there somewhere.”

“I see,” said Gintoki stopping at once.

Zenzou stopped one or two steps ahead. “What? Do you think I’m wrong?”

“No. I’m just going to puke.” And with that, Gintoki just puked. Gintoki was more than a bit tipsy.


	14. Chapter 14

Travelling by boat through the Sumida river wasn’t so bad as Otae had thought it might be. She had received a pair of weird glances of course, but she had dismissed them with one of her warmest smiles as ever and the other men at the slim boat had decided to take a swim. Men were just weird like that most of the time so it was useless to give a second thought to their actions. 

Now, standing by the side of a big willow tree a few yards away from Yoshiwara’s Great Gate, she stopped to rearrange her cloths. The most cheap and shabby of all her kimonos and a companion amigasa (a big hat made of straw) she had bought for the occasion were the disguise she had picked for this unexpected trip to the very core of the red district.

“Wao, I’m really glad I decided to wait for you,” says a voice behind the tree, the heart of Tae races in panic only to be counterattacked by her rational mind. It was impossible someone might expect for her at this place, because she would never, ever, visit this place or at least not until now. She turns around ready to dismiss her interlocutor, but for her surprise it is a woman dressed up in some colorful sexy furisode and a black mask covering more of her face. No it is not just a woman. It is Sarutobi Ayame.

“What are you doing here?” Tae says in a lower tone resting in a casual manner her back against the tree to look as inconspicuous as she could.

“Are you aware there isn’t something more suspicious than a person trying to blend in into a place where everyone is trying to stand out?” Saa-chan was in front of her with her hands placed upon her own hips and her head softly tiled to one side. 

That was it. Tae simply wasn’t the kind of person to felt at ease at anyones condescending manners. “Oh, excuse me if I wasn’t filled in into the deception techniques of professional assassins or the etiquette code dress of a real brothel.” She stops her rant as abruptly as it had started. “I do sound pretentious. Don’t I?”

Rhetoric or not Saa-chan of course replies. “Most of the time, yes, but that doesn’t seem to matter to the fans out there. Against all the odds you’re still a popular character. I bet I’m not the only masochist getting my sneakers in a twist when you know... Gintoki sees me as a disgusting beneath thing not worth at all of his affection .”

“Stop it!” Tae says it not as a request but as a command and like that it gives room only to be obeyed. “You are marrying the guy. How did you know I was going to come here today?”

Saa-chan opens and closes her mouth as if she were going to say something, but thinking better decides not to do so. Her shoulders drop a bit. “Are you kidding me? Tsukuyo and Kyuubei are having their first official date.” That was the exactly main point of everything. As the preparatives for the wedding were going smoothly their daily sessions were not so daily giving them room to waste their own time as they pleased. On Friday when it was concerted that the next meeting will be held on Tuesday. Kyuubei surprised everyone asking Tsukuyo for a first meeting with her at Yoshiwara during the weekend. You have to admit the little woman had the balls of a warrior. So, of course everyone was here. Yes, you heard just fine, everyone. Saa-chan had already spotted Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura, Otose, Catherine, Hasegawa and Zenzou at a fuglies bar. The bodyguards of the Yagyuu clan were also around the place looking as suspicious as they could. It was not really a secret at all, it was a very voiced thing as it was supposed to be, given the high status of the Yagyuu Family and the high rank of the courtesan in question. The Yagyuu family had hired a full dozen of white horses, the most stylish way to arrive Yoshiwara, with their respective barn boys screaming through the streets about the young handsome heir who was going to arrive. On her part Yoshiwara prepared accordingly. Each tea house, each brothel house, each bar upon the main streets had been painted and redecorated, their stocks refilled. Only the best of the very best was going to be served in what promised to be the weekend of the decade. The best spots upon their doors and balconies had a price because nobody wanted to miss the chance to have a glimpse of the Shinigami Tayuu in her first meeting with such important lord. The gossip in the streets was all about the six million yens the Yagyuu had had to pay in advance and the kind of kimono Tsukuyo was going to use. “Of course you want to scope your nose around!”

“I don’t. I just want to… be sure she’ll be fine.”

“Ha! Of course she’s going to be fine. She’s not fighting an entire Amanto armada by herself, she’s just a lesbian. It’s not as if… no wait. Actually, they kill lesbians in fiction only because they are lesbians and it is even worst if they just had an epiphany of happiness and are about to be with their beloved one for the rest of their lives, because that seems as the right moment to kill them with random lost bullets or car accidents. It’s one of those sick tropes of gender violence where the subtext is we as writers love diversity, but real diversity has no room in the heteronormative universe of the all mighty audience. It’s not our fault. And it’s even worst when they decide to bring back the killed lesbian, but as a robot or an artificial intelligence, because guess what. Robots and AI are just humans without sexuality. So they are only reinforcing the subtext lesbianism can be outgrown, cured, purged, erased, reseted with the right technology, because females are this frail creatures that need to be told what they actually want in life. They say, look we love women, we loved this character so much that here you have it again, we even took off the dangerous trait of her sexuality, because let's face it. It was getting out of hand.”

“Do you, the living queen of I’m making everyone uncomfortable with my sexuality, have a point at all?”

“I was saying you were right to be worried, because it is still a sick world, but come over here. I got us first row sits and a much better cover, we won’t let anything happen to our lesbians,” without waiting for Tae’s reply. Saa-chan pulled her from one hand through the very core of Yoshiwara. Passing the Great Gate there was some sort of registration place, but with a wink of Saa-chan the girls there let them pass without further questions.

They headed right for a three story tea-house or for what Tae hoped would be a three story tea-house. Again at the entrance Saa-chan was allowed in without much of a second glance of the heavily armed girls at the door. 

“Are you a … regular of this place?” asks Tae staring at the amazing paints upon the panels of the rooms they were going through. The place was… fancy, Tae had to admit it.

“We,” Saa-chan points at Otae and to herself in turns “are close friends of Tsukki, Otae. She’s the big boss of this town and this tea house is her home.” Sliding one panel Saa-chan revealed a secret corridor with a line of seats. 

Tae’s eyes grow bigger with the realization. Saa-chan wasn’t kidding at all when she said they were going to be on the first row. “Saa-chan. I… I can’t be here. Kyuu-chan is going to think I want to… Tsukuyo is going to be mad. We need to leave, now!”

“Here, take off that stupid hat and put this instead.” Saa-chan pulled out a second black mask from her kimono and handed it to Tae. “It’s just in case. They are not going to see us from there.” Indeed the row of seats was hidden from the view of the Shoin room where the date was going to take place by the translucent shoji panels, but of course through the unions of the panels the Shoin room was just as visible as any stage.

“I’m not a stalker. I’m not going to invade Kyuu-chan and Tsukuyo’s privacy.” Offended Tae was ready to leave the place as a couple of masked girls passed by their side and took their seats.

“Then you came all the way to Yoshiwara only to get a feel of the place?” Another couple passed by, the place was quickly getting filled.

“Maybe I did, but… this is wrong. Stalking people is wrong. It’s Kyuu-chan and… and Tsukuyo’s private moment. I have no right to be here.”

“Yes, you have. Look around, this is not a private moment. It’s a very public event. It’s a public declaration for everyone to know and to see and you have every right to be here, behind the stage for once, but with them all the same.”

Saa-chan had made a point and Tae was trying to ponder her options.

“Tsukuyo is at the door and the Yagyuu Lord is at the Gate. It has begun!!” Seita screams from the door of the Tea-house for everyone inside to listen and to get ready. 

Saa-chan and Tae were practically pushed onto the next available seats inside the corridor as an entire squad of Hyakka girls took their own place.

“It’s ok if you’re jealous, you know,” murmurs Saa-chan.

“I’m not jealous! I just care about her.” It’s Tae’s reply as Tsukuyo and Hinowa enter the Shoin room. Tsukuyo is almost unrecognizable. She’s wearing a blue cerulean kimono with a white and red floral pattern that shows a lot of the back of her neck. The sash is teal and gold. Her hair is neatly tied up with more white and red flowers. She’s wearing make-up, enough to accent her eyebrows and give a proper mark to her blue eyes, but not enough as to hide the scars of her face. There is that natural blush upon her cheeks and that nervous smile that seems to be back over and over again despite her efforts to look more solemn. Hinowa is worried about the lipstick getting out of place and with the practice of a experienced painter retouches Tsukuyo’s lips in one simple stroke. 

“Ok, let me rephrase that. You are jealous!. Maybe not like a scorn woman will be jealous, but as a besty will be jealous, because you know you used to be the entire center of her universe and now suddenly out of the space there is another bigger fish in her ocean. Did you know the average person loses 2.5 friends when she or he gets involved into a romantic relationship?”

One of the Hyakka girls politely asked them to keep quiet.

“Thank you Saa-chan. You have a natural charm to make everything worst.”

In the Shoin room a couple of Hyakka girls that resemble Shinpachi and Kagura announce the entrance of Yagyuu Kyuubei. She looks explendid marked by that glow of showy elegance only a noble knows how to display. She is dressed in a white kimono, leather trousers and a purple and black cape with gold embroidery. Her eyepatch is black and her long hair is done in a pony tail. She’s just the perfect bishounen prince.

“What I’m trying to say is that you have a real reason to be jealous. It’s not just another mean treat of your already twisted personality. It’s a real lost the one you might be facing here. It’s a yuri farewell where you need to let go of her, precisely because you care about her. I mean probably it is worst because you thought her crush on you was only that a childish crush she was going to overgrow with the right man, but now there is no other man at all but a stunning blonde so you have to be wondering what if you had given her the chance.”

The request for silence was getting louder to the point one of the Hyakka girls was obviously thinking about taking matters into her own hands, but Tae was faster than her. Pulling from Saa-chan’s kimono she whispered to her ear. “One word more and that will be your last word.” 

Saa-chan blushed crimson red, but remained silent for the rest of the Shokai ceremony or initial meeting that was basically a simplified version of a wedding ritual with only one cup of Sake for the couple to share. Lucky enough the sister courtesan who was in charge of filling the Sake cup and who by an odd chance looked a lot like Gintoki, mistook the bottle of Sake for the one with water.


	15. Chapter 15

Spring was finally here and with it the deadline for the wedding arrived. The wedding dresses and their matching shoes along with the maid of honour kimonos were ready, the invitations had been delivered and confirmed, the honeymoon had been booked, the transportations to pick up the bride and the guests from one place to another were ready, the entire ceremony had been rehearsed at least twice from the list of songs to be played during the ceremony and the reception to the order of seats of the guests and the toasts to be made. The shinto temple and the area for the open air reception had been decorated and all the facilities needed added, the portable toilets, the tents to change and to give shelter, the extra chairs and tables, the additional lighting, the Blue Irises had bloomed and were already planted around the pond, with the Sakuras they were the perfect scenery for the perfect Hanami picnic feel. The bar had been stocked with boxes of fine Sake and Don Perignon Champagne. The six foot wedding cake had been ordered and was ready to be delivered in two days. The menu cards, the gifts and tags for each one of the guests were ready.

Some of the main guests had also arrived. Tatsuma Sakamoto, Elizabeth and Katsura Kotarou were actually sharing a night out with Gintoki. Kagura and her brother Kamui were also sharing a teens night out along with Shinpachi and Nobume. While the rest of girls. Saa-chan, Tsukki, Kyuubei, Tae, Otose, Catherine and Tama had just arrived from a spa day where aside from the relaxing treatments they were testing the wedding make-up they were going to use.

Kyuubei looks lovely as ever with two pony tails and a floral eye-patch holding hands with Tsukuyo who is wearing a ponytail and no make-up at all in a look that made her look... well as yet another bishounen guy extracted from a gangsta world. They both loved to play around matching their most boyish/ most girly appearances for the most public events, but behind those facades they were just Tsukuyo and Kyuubei two people in love with each other. Nobody who really knows them would dream to ask the stupid question of who is the ‘guy’ in the relationship, because it simply isn’t that kind of relationship at all.

Otose, Catherine and Tama are radiant too, their skins glowing, exuding the fragrance of floral perfumes and optimism. Otae is breath-taking in the most Japanese traditional way and very aware of it, with a genuine smile of personal accomplishment upon her lips a smile so warm Hattori Zenzou could only compare it with the one of the Sun of Yoshiwara. And Sarutobi is… pretty much what Sarutobi had always been on Hattori’s mind. The very personification of unnecessary pain and danger. She is the poisoned fruit, the unpredictable flame, the abyss without bottom. No matter how hard he tries, the words always seem unfit to describe her gestures or to capture the flavour of her soul. 

“The wedding is in three days. Am I the only one aware of this by now?” It is Hattori’s greeting to the girls, his best poker face in place.

“Goodnight Hattori-san.” The one stepping ahead and answering is Otae. “Yes, we have all a really nice day at the spa today. Relaxing and simply amazing. At first I really thought It was just overpriced pampering,” she takes out the bill of their day and smashes it upon Hattori’s chest with a smile “,but now that I’ve been at the receiving end of it. I just think it is a fair price so I’m just thinking it would be a nice touch if I just send the spa girls a proper tip in your name. I know you totally agree with me. After all we think just alike! Oh! You’re such a sweet talker, thank you, you are making us blush all with your compliments.”

Hattori just pales. At the sight of the bill, yes, but mostly at Otae’s sweet manners. Tae Shimura is always the scariest when she tries to be nice.

“I’m glad you have a nice day,” he says stammering a little as he recovers. “I’ll write a thank you card to the spa and yes you all look really relaxed and fresh tonight, but my entire point is we still have a few things to check for the wedding.”

Tae just pouts a little. “Aww. I’m sorry the big boys forgot to invite you to their party and that you’ve been left behind, but that’s not reason to be grumpy with us, Hattori-chan.” 

A cold sweat descends by Hattori’s temples. “They didn’t. I… I just wanted to point out we are almost there, I know we are all tired and we deserve to relax a little, but there are a few things to discuss. Maybe by tomorrow morning? We need to assign tasks to everyone. Who is going to be in charge of the gifts, who is going to hand out tips. I mean proper tips. Who is going to be responsible for each vendor. What are we going to do if the six-foot cake is not delivered on time or if the fountain of Champagne falls to the ground.” Zenzou tries to explain his concerns in the more rational way he’s capable of doing.

“All the jobs had been already assigned by now. We had already two rehearsal for everything. Shinpachi is in charge of the music, Kagura and Tama are in charge of the food, Kyuubei and Tsukuyo are in charge of the layout of the place, Catherine and Otose are in charge of the bar. Your job now is to be sure Gintoki will be sober and decent for the wedding. My job is to be sure Saa-chan will be pretty and decent for the wedding so in order to do so I need to be free of any kind of worry or stress. So if the entire world collapses I’m sure you will manage on your own. Is that clear?”

Hattori Zenzou only managed to agree with a movement of his head.

“Well it had been a lovely evening, but It’s late now and I’m starting to feel tired so I’ll be at my home. Saa-chan, tonight is your last night at this place, tomorrow you will be coming with me so enjoy your last night of illicit love with Gintoki.”

Kyuubei and Tsukuyo also excused themselves and left the place. Catherine followed next and after a while Otose send Tama to bring some of the Sake for the wedding that Catherine should be already be testing on her own.

Zenzou sat upon one of the two sofas, waiting for the drink Otose promised. Saa-chan sat by his side and Otose sat by Gintoki’s chair in front of his office desk.

“They did invited me you know. Gintoki and his pals. It’s just…” Hattori Zenzou shrugs and lets his head rest completely upon the back of the sofa his arms crossed upon his chest.

“Reunion parties are not your thing,” Sarutobi concludes for him. Her head a little tilted upon the back of the sofa.

He can’t help but to stare at Sarutobi despite the knowledge they are not alone into the living room of the Yorozuya. “You look. Really pretty,” he sounds more solemn and corny that what he wanted so quickly he adds “I mean all of you look really pretty. It is not that you’re not normally pretty, but your skin and your hair are more shinny and you smell great and your eyes look...”

“I see,” Sarutobi’s glance drops to the floor as her entire expression turns sour. “I told the guy I wanted something with more character, but they all insisted brides are supposed to look innocent and clean.”

“Hey!” Zenzou lifts up her chin. “ I was trying to say you look perfect for the standards of any guy including one with weird tastes like myself.” She’s so close he has to wonder if that’s how moths feel like when they’re going to do something that might be the end of their entire existence, but what stops him is her sad eyes. Sarutobi is not really the kind of woman to duel on silly insecurities about what other people might or might not think of her. She wears what she wants, she says what she thinks, she does exactly what she wants to do and despite all the common sense you might think she lacks you have to recognize the courage it takes to be just a little bit like her in a world of overrated standards for what a woman should do, say and wear. In his mind that’s something much more precious and admirable that her pretty face. “It’s your day. You, you should look how you want to look,” he tells her taking one of her hands into his. “I might rearrange another make-up artist if you want to try something different. I’m sure Otae will make me see the hell for that, but that woman is always a nightmare anyway!”

Sarutobi stares blank at his face in disbelief, as if he had said the most outrageous declaration. Hattori re-thinks in his mind his words and actions of the last minute. ‘She looks pretty and I told her so, she took it as an insult so I had to rephrase that. I think it is more important that she feels comfortable than pretty and I told her so despite what anyone might think. Otae is going to be mad about that. No doubt about that one… Otae… I insulted Otae!’ 

Sarutobi’s eyes fill with tears before he can say or do anything. She pushes him aside and storms out of the house in a dramatic rush. He’s also in shock because yes, she’s right he had just insulted Otae, but it’s not at all like Sarutobi is thinking. ‘I’m just a little bit fond on the damn woman, like I’m fond of… Waki. Probably not the best example I might have come to think as Waki is pretty much my... ex-girlfriend, but my point is I keep doing business with her because she’s a smart centered woman’.

He stands up then, very aware Otose had seen the entire scene and wondering what she might be thinking about. 

“Dammit!. I’ll go after her,” he smiles passing a hand behind his own neck and stretching in a casual manner. “ I’m sure she’s just nervous as tomorrow is her last day as a single woman.”

He’s almost by the door when Otose calls his name in a calm voice. “Mr Hattori. You’ve been fighting a real war during the last months defending each one of her tastes. You know the name of each one of her favourite songs, the flowers she loves, the point of her favourite dishes, the colors she hates, you know the size of her shoes, of her underwear, you know her fetishes, you see something and you can tell with extreme accuracy if it is going to make her heart beat faster or if it is going to make her cringe her nose, you even respect hell knows why her poor taste in men. So my question is. Is it really so hard to believe for just one second that maybe you’re not alone with your torch and that she might return your feelings?”

“She’s in love with Sakata. She’s not lying about that to make anyone jealous or uncomfortable.” For years now, he had said to himself exactly the opposite. Her devotion to the Yorozuya had to be the perfect cover to spy on his whereabouts and the whereabouts of his friends without raising suspicion. Or it has to be her payback to him, because he had left her on her own without pretty much any explanation of his feelings when things started to get serious, or because he had come back into her life with her best friend by girlfriend, or because he pretty much had made her feel as nothing else than an occasional lover, practical but dismissable. 

“She’s an orphan Mr Hattori. A little kid that had dreamed her entire life with a family to take her in. For someone like her it really doesn’t matter if it is a secret organization of dangerous assassins or a bunch of dysfunctional people. Gintoki understands that really well because he’s an orphan himself so he had shared his own dysfunctional family with her. So of course she loves him deeply for that, but you should know a heart might have room for more than one person at the same time.” Otose took a deep blow of her pipe then, letting her words linger in the air instead of the smoke.

It makes perfect sense of course and because of that it hurts just as much. Family for Hattori Zenzou had always had that bad taste of heavy duty he wished badly to wash out of his mouth. Family was a curse, a prison, a set of stupid commitments he had inherited by the bad luck of a name. It was better to deny it altogether in a rebellious act, in a much more safer act too given the profession he inherited with the name. How many times had he wished to be nobody, nobody’s son, nobody’s boss, just a simple and ordinary bloke with absolutely no responsibility at all, no strings, no attachments. How many times had he rubbed those thoughts upon her face?

“And Sakata?”

Otose exhaled the smoke before answering. “So you care for him too. I see. Well obviously he had a boyish crush on you, but if someone can sympathize with your feelings it is also him. Because he knows about the excruciating pain of losing your first love, that special someone who helped you to struggle, to discover the good and the bad in yourself. Look around Mr Hattori and ask yourself why are you here. Was really no other way around for him to marry that crazy girl? Why are you always the missing part for her total recovery?”


	16. Chapter 16

Despite the sighs and long glances given and received here and there, the complete lack of common sense prevailed and the wedding day arrived at its own pace of exactly one second by each second of each day, not one second skipped, not one second slowered down a bit by the massive bulge of nerves in the bride’s stomach. Calmly too calmly the algorithm for the wedding had been set into motion and like a good obedient piece of code Sarutobi Ayame was still waiting for the glitch, the blackout, the runtime error that will froze or will restart the entire system. It was kind of silly nobody would notice and tried to prevent the humongous division by zero she was. That would be a beginner's mistake and she was among pros. At any time now. Someone, something has to happen. Just wait and you’ll see. She told herself. 

In her mind a time traveler’s portal opens its gates and a much older Otae starts to slap a bit of sense on to all of them. No. Wait. Maybe it is a drunk Tsuky by the side of a fierce Kyuubei. Nah. They were the only good thing out of this entire mess. Ok. She tried again to at least picture an efficient Tama... caressing a cute yellow ninja kitty on her arms? Even her daydreams were failing her now. She looked around. Only the closest relatives were on the procession to the shrine, the big list of guest will be joining them one hour later at the reception which basically meant it has to be one of them or a couple of them or all of them at once the ones stopping the charade. Was it a dream? Had she fallen in some sort of delusional comatose status?

The Mikos, shrine maidens, were lovely in their red hakama and white haori a few step ahead. Gintoki looked simply dashing as that first time so much time ago when he agreed to met his soon to be ‘father-in-law’ at Nezumiya’s house. Was it really so much to wish for someone to walk by your side when you needed him? A life time partner that wouldn’t mind so much to watch your back even when it made no sense to him at all? Her glance went behind herself to Hattori Zenzou who was also wearing a traditional black kimono and who for once had most of his hair pulled up into a ponytail revealing his cold blue eyes fixed like always into something far and distant. Otose smiled at her. She was by Hattori’s side wearing a female black kimono with gold and red embroidery with the elegance only time can give you. She almost tripped, but Gintoki prevented her from doing so. Nah. It couldn’t be a dream. She was certain her subconscious mind would pick up a different scenery and a very different outfit for herself and for Gintoki.

They reached the water pavilion of the shrine and the purification ceremony was going to start. She and Gintoki stood in front of two basins of water to wash their hands and to wash their mouths in order to purify their actions and words before entering the temple. She bends to fill the ladle with water from the basin and for first time in this particular day she takes a good look at herself. Tae did a wonderful job, not just messing with each one of Sarutobi’s ideas of what might be proper, but a wonderful job for real. Who was the woman upon the water’s reflection Sarutobi has to wonder as that woman looks pure, clean and hopefully even with that sad awkward tsunokakushi upon her head. If only for a moment she would like to pretend. No, no pretend. To try was a better verb. One filled with much better intentions anyway. She would like to try to be the woman reflected there. A woman about to marry the man of her dreams.

Zenzou’s blue eyes met hers in the reflection. He takes the ladle she had just dismissed and for a brief moment she could smell his cologne and feel the warmth of his body brushing against her side. A new hypothesis takes shape in her mind. She died and this place is hell with powerful demons making fun of her lusty mind. Otose takes the ladle Gintoki had dismissed and a soft cough of Otae reminds her about her place by Gintoki’s side. Seriously? This woman has to be really insecure if she thinks that for a moment there Sarutobi would give a second glance to Tae’s precious new boyfriend or lover or soon to be boyfriend or soon to be lover. Are they already dating? Did she tell him he would look better with his hair pulled back? Gintoki would never do such a thing, his permanent platinum hair was nobody’s business but his own if she would ask him to cut it off he would simply tell her to cut it off with that nonsense and probably he might get angry at her and she would beg to be punished for her own insolence and he would deny her even that little pleasure and… and by then Sarutobi’s daydream had to be cutted off because Kagura, Otae, Shinpachi, Tsuky, Kyuu-chan, Tama and Catherine had finished the purification ceremony too.

Kagura was wearing red, Otae pink, Kyuu-chan blue, Tama green, Catherine orange and Tsuky and Shinpachi were in black. They all looked as a happy bunch of people enjoying themselves, puking rainbows. It was almost disturbing as if someone or something had brainwashed their memories.

As they all enter the shrine the words of the Shinto Priest starts to ask for the kami’s blessing and protection for the couple. Sarutobi wonders if this Priest was a real man or a robot made with the core pieces of Kintoki itself? She dismissed the thought, the guy was too old and too ugly for a robot so full of itself.

Without more delay they are finally faced with the binding ceremony of the San San Kudo, literal the three three nine ceremony. The core ritual where the groom and the bride should drink three times from each cup of a stack of three ceremonial sake cups in order to bind their union. 

Gintoki pours the sake upon the cups and takes the first sip from the first cup, then gives it to Sarutobi who also take a sip and gives the cup back to him to take the final sip from the first cup. For the second cup Sarutobi takes the first sip and then gives it to Gintoki who takes his sip and returns the cup to Sarutobi who frozes with the cup in front of her lips. 

“This is wrong,” she murmurs almost to herself.

“This is wrong!,” she repeats. This time loud enough for everyone at the shrine to hear it.

“Really? I was pretty certain I was paying attention to the indications. I was supposed to take the first sip, then you, then again me, but then it was you again and me and then you, but I could have screw this up at some point,” Gintoki was giving her his best Did I screw up again?, look.

“No! No the order of the San San Kudo. Really am I going to have to explain it out loud to you?” Sarutobi leaves the cup of sake upon the table and looking around to the bride and groom teams she adds. “Where is the piano falling upon my head. The poison in my drink. The locked room. The attempt of murder. The unexpected accident. Tae, Tsuky, Kyuu, Tama, I’m marrying Gintoki here into a real shinto shrine and you don’t. Look with a guy who actually looks like an authentic priest and in front of all of you. I’m dressed up into very expensive kimono of pure white silk and even my hair was made up with this stupid tsunokakushi but you know that because you helped me with it and also because one of you I don’t know who took away all my S&M outfits and I couldn’t find anything funny or indecent to wear today.”

She pauses to look, to really look at each one of the faces of her declared rivals, but none of them stand up or had any kind of reaction to her words. Not Tae, not Tsuky, not Kyuu-chan and certainly not Tama. They all had that condescending smile plastered upon their faces. 

Exhaling soundly Sarutobi goes to Kagura’s side then.

“Kagura you’re a clever strong girl I’m pretty certain you have noticed by now I’m the worst female role model to have around. I never know what to say even when I really try to be helpful. I can’t avoid to want to compete against other women. I chase after the boys instead of waiting for them to make the first move. I lie and make up stories of what I would like to be real or about the person I would like to be. You can’t really want me as Gintoki’s wife.”

Kagura seems almost tempted to reply something, but thinking better of it only shrugs. 

Sarutobi’s head shakes in disbelief as her breath becomes more noticeable. She goes by Shinpachi’s side then.

“Shinpachi I know my presence makes you uncomfortable as the only thing I know is how to kill people and my favourite topic of conversation is always sex and it’s not even regular sex, but S&M sex, and yeah while all the normal women are out there fighting for not being sexualized and for equality rights I’m stupid enough to sexualize myself because it makes me feel sexy and powerful for once and on top of that I find arousing the idea of a man taking care of all my needs and me in return surrendering completely to all his needs. See? I'm nuts. Imagine how embarrassing is going to be the rest of your life if you don’t stop this wedding.”

Shinpachi only lowers his glance to the floor and in a stoic gesture fixes his glasses in place. 

“This isn’t funny you know!!” screams Sarutobi in frustration. “Gintoki have saved us a lot and now none of you is going to do anything to save him from this bad joke. Why? only because it turned into something too elaborated? Guess what you’re all cowards I was ready to take it all of you at the same time if you wanted. Your poison, your laughter, the blows, the shame, because I’m never been afraid of those, but what I can’t take is your pity. I guess it has to be me after all the one rescuing Gintoki from this mess.”

Sarutobi turns around to leave the place, but Gintoki’s hand holding her wrist stops her.

“Stalker, you’re not a bad joke of a woman.” Gintoki says it in a calmly steady tone.

“Sincerely, Gintoki?” In a swift motion Sarutobi frees her wrist from Gintoki’s grasp without turning back, she’s not strong enough to face him. “Who on his right mind would like to marry someone like me.”

“Actually! I think, that would be me.” Hattori Zenzou steps ahead by the side of Gintoki.

“Not now, Zenzou. The last thing I can do at this moment is to deal with more pity!”

“What if it’s not pity? What if it has never been pity Sarutobi? From my point of view this entire crazy wedding is just about you and me. And I’m right here waiting patiently for a lifetime sentence with or without you in my life.”

“Come on Zenzou,” Sarutobi slowly turns around to face Hattori, her rage sound now like a plea now. “It is just not the moment to start acting so out of character.”

“Is it out of character, Sarutobi?” Hattori tests a step closer to her as one might step onto a mined land. “Let us pretend for a little longer than we don’t know each other at all, or that we are just old acquaintance. I just heard you proclaimed to be the most disgusting, silly women of this city.” He takes another step “You just gave the most ugly description of yourself, you know, so,” and another one more. “Is it complete out of character if I find completely irresistible that exact brand of woman?” Hattori stands just by the side of Ayame looking at her watery eyes “If you're able to make any fugly pale in comparison to you?”

“Wanna a sip, bro.” Gintoki was taking a sip of a cup of sake. He has moved too, first to take the bottle of sake and pour a bit of it into a cup and then close enough to Hattori in order to offer a drink to the guy who was starting to look paler and paler by the second.

“Thanks.” Says Hattori relaxing a little and taking a sip from the cup Gintoki’s offering. He’s still clinging in desperation to Sarutobi’s answer to his declaration so he returns the cup to Gintoki. Gintoki drinks the rest of the cup and fills it again. This time he offers the cup to Hattori first.

“Another sip?”

“What the hell are you doing?” Hattori snaps, annoyed by Gintoki’s attentions.

Gintoki raises his hands up in a don’t shoot at me gesture. “You just seemed as someone who might need a drink or two while she thinks about your wedding proposal, because that’s what you’re trying to do here. Right? Asking the woman you love to marry you.”

“Gintoki… you knew?” Sarutobi’s tears start to roll down her cheeks.

Gintoki smiles at her softly wiping a tear from one of her cheeks. “I wish to be so lucky as to find someone who looks at me the way you look at him when you think nobody is watching you.” 

Sarutobi barely smiles back at Gintoki before he falls on his face making a loud thud as he hits the ground.

“Did you poison him?” 

“Sleep drug,” Hattori reassured Sarutobi and the others at the shrine. “It should took effect like twenty minutes ago, everyone would thought he just drank too much and hopefully you’ll be mad enough at him as in no marrying him or maybe mad enough to want to have revengeful sex with an old convenient partner?” 

Sarutobi frowned, but her general expression was more relaxed now and the tears had stopped.

“Sarutobi. You don’t need to,” Hattori started to say, but Sarutobi interrupts him placing her hands upon Hattori’s chest and closing the space between their bodies.

“I… I think you are legally my brother by now and that our step-father would be really, really mad if he found out we snick behind his back simply because we can’t keep our hands from each other.”

“Actually Saa-chan after we found out there was no real dowry left, everyone kind of 'forgot' about the adoption request of Mr Hattori. You two are not legally siblings of any kind.” Shinpachi took the time to explain it out loud.

“Four eyes please!” Sarutobi says giving poor Shinpachi a letal glance “You’re kind of ruining the mood here for my sexy and forbidden step-brother fantasy?”

Hattori smirks as he places his hands around Sarutobi’s hips demanding her attention. “Oh Hana. Hana. Hana. I can’t live without you. Will you marry me under the fake name of Sarutobi Ayame?”

“Excuse me,” this time the one raising a hand and interrupting was the Priest. “I’m just a bit confused about who is marrying whom today?”


	17. Epilogue

My hands shake and the thoughts tangle themselves in my memory, but this one is the most important entry I have the honor to write, so I’ll have to make an additional effort to be true to the story I’m about to tell you, because it is also, if I’m allowed to say so, my story.

It all started a month ago when I heard her voice outside the ruins of the Shinsengumi headquarters. Is funny how memory plays with you. You haven’t heard or seen someone for months, you are done quite a good job forgetting because you’re no longer actively trying to forget or at least that’s what you say to yourself and then one single sound proves you’re nothing but a liar. She was asking for me. I would like to say I was delighted to see her, but in my chest there was only room for shame and despair. Despite the promises I made to my superiors what was left of me did not deserve the name of man. My hair was longer than what it had been ever in my life, I had a thick beard and my shoulder and elbow would never be able to play badminton again. We were only a bunch of stray wounded dogs still living at the ruins of what was once our home. So naturally I refused to see her. 

Sasaki accepted the invitations she had for us. Gintoki I have written about him before. He was organizing a wedding for some of his closer friends and we the Shinsengumi or more exactly what was left of the Shinsengumi were invited. It was going to be a big event and she was… she wanted to know if I could go with her as her couple. More important yet. She wasn’t going to leave without hearing an answer from me. At first I thought Sasaki was… playing some kind of cruel prank on me, but when I looked outside I had a good view of her silhouette standing there by the door. It broke me to think the destiny could be so cruel as to grant my wishes exactly when I no longer might have the will to wish. 

I thanked the heavens when a light rain erupted, thinking her pride would make her quit, but she remained there by the door. I only have to do nothing. I told myself. And I was really really good at doing nothing a sourer voice reminded me. The rain grew stronger and my determination started to waver. What if she got sick by my fault? What if her circuits would suffer irreversible damage with the rain? If I was a man or at least the shadow of a man the honorable thing to do was to face her and tell her with my own words she should go with someone else. I went to the door and before I had time to open my mouth she bowed in front of me, asking my forgiveness because she should have come sooner to see me. I mean this goddess was bowing to a dog. I fell to my knees and she fell to hers hugging me and crying. Probably it was the rain, but it looked as if she was crying. I was crying, sobbing as a child into her embrace as she murmured nonsense things about cleaning squads and how you had to take hard jobs because it’s the right thing to do.

I would like to say everything was better since that day, but the truth is a re-new feeling of guilt was eating me from inside. I couldn’t sleep or eat properly. It was as if I had just found out another way to dishonor their memory, to even disrespect my own living brothers. How was it possible a punk like me would have the right to be happy when happiness itself had been reaped from my brother’s hands. I had no right, but again it was her the one showing us the light. She came every afternoon to see me, to see us. She proposed crazy games with hair and beard cuts penalties the guys accepted gladly, soon we were breaking further what was about to collapse of the old house and fixing it properly afterwards. We found ourselves roasting hot dogs by fire and laughing again when we thought it was impossible and I found myself falling even deeply for her. I’m not going to lie. It was good, but it also hurt like hell. To heal always does, to move forward always does so sometimes you want to do nothing but to run backwards to your cozy pain. 

I had one of those days, two days before Gintoki’s wedding. My beloved had warned us she’ll be busy with the wedding preparations, but I wanted to see her anyway so I waited outside of the Yorozuya’s house at a strategical point for her arrival. Just when it started to get dark, my beloved Tama arrived with her boss and a bunch of other girls, giggling and sharing a good moment. It took me a moment to recognize the face of the commander’s love among those girls, but when I did the despair I’ve been fighting for weeks took control over me. This woman was glowing love, the love she had denied to my commander. There was no grief, no affection, no visible memory of her lost, just as it was no trace of those feelings in me at the moment. I hated that woman, but above everything else I hated myself so I did the only thing I could do with my hate. I tried to break into pieces my own happiness. I waited until I had a chance to approach Tama alone It didn’t took too much to tell you the truth and then I asked her to stay away from me and from my brothers.

She wanted to know why. Imagine that, I was showing her the kind of scum I was and she still wanted to know why. I told her the truth or as much truth as I could admit at the moment. I told her she was making me so happy, I was forgetting even the lost of my brothers and that it felt wrong, because at least someone should be able to remember them and to feel the weight of their absence in this world.

For two days I watched the faces of recrimination in my brother’s faces. I only had to think about what my commander would think or do to know exactly how big I had screw up things this time. He would never have wanted a legacy of sorrowful broken men. He was a father to us, he was an older brother with the warmest heart. He had wanted us to survive, but above that he would have wanted us to live, to build new homes. His love probably falling in love again was doing exactly what my commander would loved to see. If I wanted to keep true to his legacy I had to try to be the happy decent man he tried to raise.

The guys helped me to get ready for the wedding’s reception renting a kimono for me. None of us had the money to dress properly for an event like that taking into accord than our best suits were our Shinsengumi uniforms and that those were no longer an option if we were going to be seen in public. Trembling and with my mind in a mess I went to the pond with the 12 shrines by the Yotsuya district.

I found my beloved by a side of said pond. She was beautiful beyond any possible description under a rain of sakura’s blossoms standing in the middle of a field of irises. She smiled at my sight and on my knees I proposed marriage to her. She said yes and that she didn’t want to be in the middle of my sorrow, but to be there for me. We kissed, but we were interrupted by some loud screams coming from the principal tent, the one that looked as a replica of one of a Saint Seiya’s temple.

The just married couple were fighting and screaming at each other’s throats. From the distance I recognized the bride as a feral assassin I had met in a few of my field trips Sarutobi Ayame. She was using literal anything in her way as a weapon. The Jump action figures decorating the wedding cake, the plates, the parfait glasses and the groom Hattori Zenzou was doing exactly the same. You’re the most horrible woman I have ever met, the guy screamed as he threw a silver plate towards the woman’s head. Sarutobi managed to avoid it just in time, but for the three waiters standing by her side it was simply too late, the plate had cut their throats open. I’ll never give you the divorce, you’re stuck with me until the last day of your bloody life were the words of the woman as a rain of forks fell into the groom’s direction. He was quick enough to take a chair as a shield, but a couple of maids were not so lucky and fell to the ground twitching in pain. 

I was horrified by the scene. It was an awful carnage and someone needed to stop them before more innocent lives would be taken. Or at least that was what I told myself, but when I was going to run in their direction a twitching sounds stopped me. It was just one of those sounds you will be able to recognize anywhere. 

Tchh and then a pause, and then the smell of tobacco filling my nostrils.

Slowly I turned in the direction of the smell. A tall man with a cigar in his lips was looking at me with a knowing smile. He was by the side of three other men and a woman. Matsudaira Katakuriko, Okita Sogou, Kondou Isao and the woman glowing love by their side was no other than Shimura Otae. It made perfect sense now. There was no grief in this woman’s face, because her love was alive and by her side.

“To think they were going to need reinforces. Bloody cats!” Those were the first words I heard from my Vice-commander Hijikata Toushirou as the just married couple flew from the place in opposite directions.

The rest. Well the rest was the most amazing welcoming party you can imagine. My bosses had survived the explosion, thanks mostly to some sort of bubble shield made by the same monster they were trying to stop, but the remains of the ship were sent against a remote asteroid. Without fuel or communications they barely managed to survive in the arid place for a couple of months until a Pirate ship cargo rescued them. They wanted anything, but to return home, but as the politics were so tense at the moment. Half a dozen of Presidents had turned down the post by now. Matsudaira convinced them that the safer thing for everyone was to pretend a little longer keeping a low profile as the new secret service for the new democratic system. Apparently today’s wasn’t the only attempt made against a President or his wife and it wouldn’t be the last either.

Taken from the first roll of the Private Chronicles of Yamazaki Sagaru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I can only imagine how painful it could be to read through so many grammatical and dramatic mistakes. English is not my native language and I learn slowly, so I apologize for that. If you happen to have the heart of a beta-reader, let me know. I swear I tried to find one, but I was unable of doing so.


End file.
